CokeRewards progress - 731/850 - I have to end this soon. I'm thirsty all the time. I've got cotton-mouth worse than any time I've woken up after a night of drinking with my face in the carpet. Diet Coke is a non-fluid for me at this point. Zero calories but far from healthy, my friends.
I just want a drink of water, but I know that drinking anything not Diet Coke just prolongs this nightmare.
Adrian kicked in points yesterday in a fit of awesomeness.

Last night Joe dragged over his Playstation 2. I've played on one a total of about 20 minutes in my life, so it helps to keep the goal in sight.
We played Gauntlet until almost 11. "Blue Jester needs sleep badly."
I've got a question . . .
Excluding any readers who may have worked at Enron, how often do your co-workers call in "arrested"?
Yesterday marked the third time I've seen since November - a different employee each time.
Is "bail" a traditional benefit? Should I concentrate on the 401k and dental or explore bail if it is part of the package?
Ok. That's three questions, but they kind of flowed together. Asking extra questions isn't illegal. The people I work with are apparently experts on the workings of the penal code.
Side note: "Penal code" is more fun to say than type. While writing this, I said it out loud several times to make up for it. Also, it gets funnier the more you say it.
I'm sketchy on the details, but the work phone rang and I answered it to hear, "You have received a collect phone call from the Harris County Jail from (soft click) Hey man, this is (co-worker name deleted). Answer the phone. (soft click) To refuse the call, hang up now."
He wanted to talk to my manager, who left soon after the call.
Also yesterday featured new issues of "52" and "Marvel Civil War".
The latest issue of "Marvel Civil War" is a landmark comic.
I was asked yesterday who is on the side of registration and who opposes. Almost everyone is involved in the conflict, but some of the key supporters of disclosing identities are Spider Man, Iron Man, Mr. Fantastic, Thing, Bishop, Colossus, Wasp and Wonder Man. The opposition includes Captain America, Nick Fury, Cable, She-Hulk, Wolverine, Cloak and Dagger and maybe The Invisible Woman and The Human Torch.
Today, my plans are to do as little as possible to retain employment . . . well, maybe a little less.
I also stocked up on (shudder) Diet Coke on my way in, so I'll be drinking that.

CokeRewards progress - 654/850 - With less than 200 points to go, I got a scare Wednesday when the Playstation2 became listed as "Out of Stock" on the CokeRewards website.
Fortunately, it returned to "In Stock" status sometime between my third and fourth complaint emails. Leslea kicked in more points, due largely to awesomeness.

First, if you missed it, The Order of the Stick (link on the right) featured the word "asshat" yesterday. There may have been other words in the comic. Other less awesome words.

In the afternoon I went home to discover that (in what is possibly the most romantic gesture ever in the history of gesturing) Shana had adjusted the Netflix account to have The Evil Dead and Army of Darkness delivered on the same day.
My evening filled with zombie goodness, I settled in to drink Diet Coke and watch.
Who doesn't like zombie-centric splatterfests? That's what I'd like to know.
Whatever one's opinion about low-budget cheesy violence horror comedies, these are pretty much required viewing.
Yesterday I promised the latest work-related trauma story. Here goes:

You may recall that I was shackled with the Microsoft license audit.
As the on-site consultation (turn your head to the left and cough) was ending, it became apparent that our expired Official Microsoft Certified Partner Agreement licenses were actually about 90% of our problem.
I sent an email to my manager suggesting we renew it. It wasn't the first time I'd suggested it, but it was the first time when the alternative was six figures of license fees.
"Make it happen" was the response from his Blackberry.
Here is where it gets awesome:

I don't do purchasing. I'm not officially authorized to spend money. I don't have a corporate card or company account of any kind.
So I put it on my Visa.
My "Disney" Visa, to be specific. With purchase points, I might get tickets to Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest for the family. w00+!
I filled out the paperwork, got the proper signatures and should get reimbursed before the bill comes in.
Two days later I get an email that there are two boxes in shipping and receiving for me. Since I never get anything, and suspected this was just customer computer hardware I'd rather not install, I ignored it.
Eventually, the boxes were moved to my desk.
They were addressed to me. And they were from Microsoft.
Upon opening them, I discovered our new licenses and the install media. For everything. And binders, which I began to fill and organize. Some choice bits may have fallen into my laptop bag. I know the "Official Microsoft Partner" plaques did. Those are freaking nice!
In the end, I had a binder full of licenses and six binders full of software. Big binders. Like those CD folders people have in their cars? But bigger.
I also had a banner - brilliant white with "Microsoft Certified Partner" emblazoned across it in blue under two bright brass grommets for wall mounting.
Entirely unable to resist temptation I threw the banner over my back, tied the grommets around my neck, scooped up all seven binders and threw open the Control Center doors shouting,"I am Software Man! I come bearing gifts! Let us no longer live as pirates but as free men! Come out of the darkness, my friends! Join me, Software Man in the light of legitimacy!"

And that is the story of how I dressed up like a superhero and saved the company.

Plans for today include Diet Coke and lots of it.

CokeRewards progress - 617/850 - For anyone keeping score at home, that means I drank 200 ounces of Diet Coke on Tuesday.
Sadly, I also had a few cans when I got home from work.

Sometimes I like to watch bad movies. Other times I like to give bad movies a second chance. On purpose.
Tuesday night I decided to verify my memory and validate or refute the opinion of every nerd on the planet.
It has been said that an infinite number of monkeys, given an infinite amount of time, could randomly type the complete works of William Shakespeare.
If this is true, then The Matrix 3: Revolutions is a five monkey 15 minute job.
"Hey! Plot holes can be glossed over! These people are just here for the fight sequences! If the cast changes are too obvious, we'll pretend we meant to do that!"
Any movie review that starts with, "the special effects were great" and ends with "but the special effects were great" is probably a crap movie. For some reason, I prefer cheap crap movies.
In its defense, it is only 129 minutes.
After subjecting myself to that, I headed for health food with my friends. Coffee late at night is awesome. Especially when work starts at six a.m. the following morning.
We talked about politics and world events. We talked about work and relationships. We talked about comic books and Saturday morning cartoons from the 80's.
A semi-extensive search this morning leaves me with no factual reason for the cancellation of the Dungeons and Dragons cartoon - just a bunch of conspiracy theories. I suppose blaming the Illuminati helps some people put a label on the inexplicable. In the end, I guess "why?" is an unimportant question. At least you can read the script for the final, never produced episode here. After that, don't dig too deeply. I suspect the episode is cursed.
I got home a little after midnight, drank some vodka and got all weepy listening to Sting.
Just a quick public response to an email I got and an apology/explanation:
In short, I'm trying to write about stuff that I find (and I hope others find) funny or at least interesting. At the moment, work is neither of those things.
As weird/amusing/important stuff happens, I'll share.
For instance, last week I literally dressed like a superhero and saved everyone from the Microsoft goons. It was a good time, and you can expect the full story this week sometime.
It beats blogging about the cats, right?

CokeRewards progress - 587/850 - I also got my first Coke reward points via text message! Thank you, Leslea.

As predicted yesterday, I snapped pretty quickly due to boredom.
I've created a spin-off blog to keep everyone up to date on the cats. The cats who are my only source of company while my family is away. How sad. I fear I've become one of those people.
It happens so quickly. At least I've had the decency to split it off into a different page. Your thanks should be in the form of Coke Reward points.
A Playstation 2 would keep a person busy enough to not blog about his cats.
Enough threats.
Joss Whedon is awesome.
Not only did he create and write Firefly, he is currently saving the X-Men.
He is writing for the spin off series 'Astounding X-Men', which oddly enough is the main storyline.
Ok. So Cyclops, Shadowcat, Wolverine, the Beast and Emma Frost (former bad guy) are the roster at the start of the series. Jean Grey is dead (as she is statistically 55% of the time) and most of the other non-students are off on other X teams.
The first storyline centers around a newly developed cure for mutation. It has been done. Done to death, even. But Whedon makes it compelling somehow.
He has a way of covering interaction between characters that is surprising and instantly comfortable.
Wolverine comments on the intimate relationship between Cyclops and Emma Frost: "So tell me . . . Which stage of grieving is this? Denial?" and is promptly blasted onto the front lawn.
Some of the best lines are reserved for Emma Frost herself as she deals with Scott's lingering Jean Grey issues: "The woman was no good for you."
Cyclops: "Attacking her is never gonna --"
Emma Frost: "Right. Right. Base defilement. Jean Grey is a sacred cow. (and a quieter) At least we agree on half of that."
Whedon manages to move the basic mutant/non-mutant issue past the civil rights argument it has always been based on. He modernizes it, but leaves the point the same.
When confronting the doctor who developed the cure, Emma Frost says, "Nothing but noble intentions. Yes. You're a veritable Oppenheimer. What's next? Eliminating the gay gene?"
Dr. Rao: "Homosexuality doesn't represent a threat to human existence."
Emma Frost: "We're clearly watching different televangelists."
In short, Astonishing X-Men = w00+!!
Joe and I caught a 6:45 showing of Silent Hill at the $1.50, scary as hell, cash only cinema.
I never played the associated video game and only knew going into it that there were weird creatures chasing people in the dark. I'm all about weird creatures chasing people in the dark, so it seemed like a pretty sure bet.
So, the creatures were scary. And they did chase people. A lot.
The cinematography was pretty creepy and the scenery alone was enough to give me bad dreams. A lot of the movie gave me that feeling I get on the way up a rollercoaster when I'm thinking, "This is dumb. Why am I here? I hate being scared. This is going to throw me around and shake me and turn me upside down and I'm going to freak out about maybe being one of those people who lose a shoe and close down the ride for fifteen minutes" just before I get dropped off something and actually enjoy the ride. Only there was no ride.
Suspense built and built and built. Scary scary stuff happened. I hated the ending.
The best part had to have been the little girl dancing in the rain of blood -- but that is true in most movies.
If the director was looking to confirm my desire to never visit West Virginia . . . I'd call Silent Hill a success.
Also, it is a lot scarier late at night when I am home alone. At one point about 4:30 this morning, I flinched because of a noise in the kitchen and flung one of the cats into the air to clatter down onto my laptop. I apologized, but I'm pretty sure she went and peed on something I own just to clarify her feelings.
In her place, I'd have done exactly the same thing.
Plans for today include continued awesomeness and a lot of Diet Coke.

CokeRewards progress - 563/850 - So the Playstation 2 is 850 points . . . How many points for a new Coke-branded kidney?

Today is ultra-sad for a few reasons:
First, I'm at work on a Monday. Even the most casual of Casual Jeans Mondays fails to cheer me up at this point.
Secondly, my family is leaving town for a week. This happens from time to time and profound boredom usually takes about 15 minutes to kick in and have me talking to the cats and surfing Ebay for things I can't live without yet don't want to pay insane shipping for.
Mmmmm. . . . Ebay.
Sunday we went to the Library. A week without family = several hundred dollars at Barnes and Noble. Even Borders with their delicious coffee and discount card (membership has rewards) would endanger the mortgage.
The library did not let me down.
I picked up four graphic novels.
On a side note, I love the term "graphic novel". I think my favorite part is the use of the word "graphic". This suggests, to casual coffee shop conversationalists, that the literary work being described is particularly bloody maybe. Or at least that there is crude language. Ah, crude language. . . How I've missed you my %@*#!&* old friend!
The term "graphic novel" somehow matures what is essentially 4-6 comic books bound up in one super comic book into a possibly violent novel. How very "adult".
I picked up the super mature "X-Men - Hellfire and Brimstone" story line. It looked awesome. Wolverine is on the cover.
I also picked up two volumes of the "Ultimate Fantastic Four".
In recent months, Marvel has decided to update everything into an "Ultimate" universe. When you think about it, the Fantastic Four have an insane amount of history. They first showed up in the 60s, so new readers are sometimes a bit uncomfortable picking up issue #546 or whatever of a book for the first time. In order to capture new readers and breathe new life into the old titles, they created the "Ultimate" line for everything.
These are fresh starts, re-imagined for modern times. Reed Richards and Ben Grimm are friends in Middle School in this version, and only 21 when the "event" happens that gives all of them super powers. They get to meet the familiar bad guys all over again. All the baggage is removed from the "Ultimate" universe, while the old familiar universe chugs along, baggage intact.
I also picked up "The Astounding X-Men". This is the tired old Marvel universe, but written by Joss Whedon (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly) and a new team of X-Men.
What I've read so far I really like.
Of course, even four graphic novels will run out before the week does. Must . . . stave off . . . reality . . .

CokeRewards progress - 501/850 - A contribution from Leslea put me over the 500 milestone.
I'm having coffee this morning. No points, but I should be 40% more tolerable.

CokeRewards progress - 477/850 - I'm jittery and only have to pee once every other day, but I can almost taste the Playstation 2. Also, I think I blacked out yesterday for about half an hour.

When I woke up, it was to the second most awesome news I'd heard all week.
Ok. So (company name deleted to comply with non-disclosure agreement) has this huge skyscraper downtown, right?
And they were planning to pull some of their computers and junk back there with the addition of this giant water cooling system they just installed on the roof.
And then they were testing it this morning and it leaked. On the roof. And I've already mentioned that it is giant.
To allow free laughter, I'll preface this with "no one was hurt".
So this leak is major and fast and thorough. And it sends extremely cold water down every elevator shaft until they fill up.
Everyone is evacuated by the stairs and power is shut off for the whole building to allow for a safe clean up.
For the time being, the entire trade floor staff is sharing desk space with me. And parking.
I seriously had to move my car from the front of the building to the back of the building as some kind of management driven gesture of welcome.
Plans for today include more Diet Coke and skipping a couple of meetings to "bond" with my new desk buddies. They will teach me the ins and outs of energy trading and I'll teach them how to delete one another's accounts.
I may also have fire extinguisher training, which I've been made to understand involves actual fires and the suppression of these fires. In real time! In the parking lot!
If I can make it through that without making jokes about the workload and how anyone forced to work with our sales staff should be an expert at fighting fires then I must be coming down with something.