You know what instruction I was the absolute worst at following through every year of school?
"Show your work."
I hate showing my work. Either the math is right or the math is wrong. Truth is truth, regardless of proof.
However, I'm posting about my corporate experiences to validate my opinion that the system has issues.
I'd like to also go on record as saying that I hate it when my teachers were right.
The most common complaints I've heard are all related to the accessibility and availability of email. No modern company can get by for any length of time without that stuff.
Even perceived delays in email are an I.T. bugging cause for alarm.
I've worked with email systems for a while. I can tell you that honest delayed mail is pretty rare. A regular server can handle the traffic from several hundred users without breaking a sweat.
Issues with mail delays are generally related to network problems or someone trying to send a 3 gig file all at once on a server not configured to block that.
I've seen drives fill up and capacity max out, but those are trends. Unless something is really wrong you can see those things coming.
However, the problem arises when Senior Management is expecting an email that hasn't turned up yet. As you can guess, technology has never helped Senior Management's expectations.
A recently dredged up study shows most of the real reasons email is delayed:

• Most users check their email "constantly"”
• Users would try to project a responsiveness image. For example, sending a short reply if a complete reply might take longer than usual, intentionally delaying a reply to make themselves seem busy, or planning out timing strategies for email with read receipts.
• Users would look at shared calendars or other means to estimate how long they should expect a reply
• If an email was urgent, users often used voicemail as a way to bring attention to their email
• Emails were written differently, depending on how long of a delay was expected before a reply (especially if their recipients were in a faraway time zone)
• Users would try to reciprocate email behaviors— responding quickly to people who responded quickly to them, and lowering their responsiveness to people who responded slowly to them in the past

So -- Email is vital, but for really important stuff always expect a phone call or cubicle visit. Politics play a major part in all co-worker interaction. You can expect delays in replies from co-workers who you've put off before.
Or from me. I'd much rather shout over a cube wall.
Also, read receipts annoy me. Expect me to not send them automatically but to go out of my way to read the email and store it, in unread format, for months -- just to see the response when the sender gets a "Your email dated two quarters ago has just been read". I love that.
People have to know that just because their mail clients are configured to query the mail server every five seconds, other people have stuff to do.
To give an example of the worst use for email as a time-saving application, one need only look at RadioShack.
The best form of office communications will always be the break room chat. It even works for forwarded jokes.

Wednesday is new comic book day!
I picked up the latest issue of 52 (week 17) and a Civil War Young Avengers/Runaways cross over.
As you may recall, I grew up in the Marvel universe. Outside of Detective Comics and the idea of Aquaman, I wasn't really about DC comics growing up.
Nonetheless, I was happy to see psychotic intergalactic bounty hunter Lobo finally turn up in the pages of 52. That guy is delightfully class-free.
Other than introducing Lobo, the story doesn't seem to progress much.
I'm a big time Marvel Civil War junkie, and anything involving the Runaways is a sure thing. A fight between the Young Avengers (I'm totally unfamiliar with them, by the way) and the Runaways is going to be worth reading.
Why is it that when two groups of super heroes meet they always fight?
Why can't they discuss their feelings and motivations before attempting to solve every problem with violence?
These are supposed to be the good guys.
Except for the Punisher.
And sometimes Wolverine.
And most certainly Lobo.

Sorry about yesterday, everybody. I got complaints.
No one is a box of pencils. Everyone is a beautiful and unique snowflake.
Anyway, I'll try to keep it a little more upbeat.
This may come as a surprise only to people who have never read PrettyGeekyThing before, but I have a lot of experience dealing with messed up I.T. junk.
Today's post will deal with one of the methods a company can use to really foul up their I.T. solution. I've seen this.
The most common way involves an attempt at reducing costs. Revenue does not equal profit. Employees are expensive. Often, when lamenting the high costs of having all these people around, a company will ditch the easiest to blame first. Since all things employee related go through Human Resources, cuts often begin right there. They keep enough senior staff to handle lawsuit-free dismissals and they farm out everything else to recent graduates with low expenses and looming student loans.
These new H.R. people have fresh management and accounting classes burned into their brains. Most have never used a computer for anything but word processing and the occasional game of Half-Life. They take one look at the salaries associated with the I.T. department and decide where the next cost cutting will happen.
Staff cuts are always traumatic, but our diligent new hires are certain about the numbers. What they also determine is that there is a pre-existing rift between I.T. and the people that do the "real" work for the company.
No one really associates with those Lord of the Rings trilogy freaks. They wear t-shirts and jeans. They drink more coffee than every other department combined. They speak in a non-stop stream of three-letter acronyms that are probably made up.
In short, they won't be missed.
So "Young H.R." makes cuts. They leave the lowest paid in place in case something catches fire.
The next stage of this process is when the lowest paid I.T. staff start to complain of overwork.
This can't be possible. No one has ever seen an I.T. person work.
Human Resources Monthly has a review of a new work-tracking software that is easy to use and only costs $10k. Sold!
Those low-paid I.T. weasels complain about not having any spare servers to use to run the new software package. Purchasing says they just bought two new servers around the time the mail server stopped working for an hour and when the network drives vanished for an afternoon. Also, none of those no-talent I.T. hacks has ever worked with this software so they start to whine about training or documentation.
One (or more) of the members of "Young HR" went to college with a Computer Science major who is looking for work. Also, that guy had some awesome MP3s at one point.
College buddy is hired. At a premium, because he is a friend.
The low-paid I.T. survivors are still at the bottom of the pay scale.
Mistakes made by college buddy, who has no real-world experience but has authority to make decisions, cause an increase in work for all of I.T.
The work tracking software runs extremely slowly. Also, the feature that dials through to any employee number through the IP phone system still doesn't work right. Any competent I.T. person would have that running like a dream.
Meetings are held. Secret bitter meetings.
"What do those nerds do anyway?"
"You can't blame college buddy. He just got here. There is only so much he could do."
"Can you believe how bad these I.T. geeks have botched the work tracking software?"
"I know! The IP dial-through forwarding doesn't work half the time."
"It doesn't?"
"It doesn't?"
"It doesn't?"
"It doesn't! Try it! I'm sick of checking the directory every time I want to call someone!"
And so Young HR guy #1 configures his phone to forward to Young HR guy #2. Young HR guy #2 configures his phone to forward to Young HR guy #3. Young HR guy #3, not wanting to look like a slouch, configures his phone to forward to Young HR guy #1. Someone presses [enter].

And the lights go out. Senior Management generally spends this time stuck in an elevator.
After some flickering, lights are restored. Fingers are pointed.
I.T. tries to explain about shared servers and extended resources. Specifically, Work Tracking and Power Management on the same old hardware. They talk about untested patches and totally lose the crowd with "sequential dial-back fail over" and it is done. I.T. is outsourced within a week.
Who hired those losers? We need experienced HR people in here! People who hire based on skill, costs be damned!

And the cycle repeats itself. Generally, the network is so messed up it takes high-priced consultants to fix it. This can happen as quickly as once every two years or so in a decent-sized company.

If you ask any company what its most valuable asset is and you will get the same answer every time: "Our Employees!"
That is nice and appreciated, but in reality it couldn't be further from the truth.
Employees want time off, they take breaks when they are on the clock, they get sick, married, pregnant, demand training and insurance. They die and retire with no thought to training their replacements in the way Senior Management wants things done.
On top of that, they want to get paid.
Employees are the biggest drain on company resources and studies show declining productivity is what management gets in return for giving employees a purpose.
Employees are a blight on the success of a company second only to one other -- the customers.
I know, I know. Without customers a company ceases to exist.
But customers demand things. They want to change their orders at the last minute. They want P.O. forms filled out a certain way and faxed to a certain number at a certain time. They want the product in a different color or flavor or with special packaging.
They introduce variation. Variation is the bane of any system, even when that system is a company.
By comparison, employees are hated less than customers by the company, but hating less is very different than liking.
And so the employee ends up commoditized. All things employee related in a modern company happen through something called "Human Resources". Has anyone else thought about those words in that format?
"Human Resources" is truth in advertising. People are like printer toner cartridges. When they are all used up they get replaced.
It is a sad truth that the first and last contact an employee has with an employer is through "Human Resources". For most of them, it is a lot like ordering a new box of pencils. A box of pencils that will demand a work/life balance assessment and dental and vision insurance.

As much a refresher for me as any kind of mostly boring glimpse into the world of corporate IT for anyone reading this from (as we in "the business" call it) the "outside", I'm going to talk about what I like to show up with on Day 1 in a new environment.
What does a new IT hire need?
We can assume the network and every device on it is completely broken and non-functional. Anything useful (or interesting) is probably undocumented, hidden, or on a server that no longer works.
Also, in a too-little-too-late attempt to head off malware, adware, trojans, worms, virii and job search sites, the company has most likely created policies forbidding internet access to the tools and supplies geeks need to thrive and do the jobs they have been hired to do.
They may even have created an actual firewall rule that prevents it knowing that employees will ignore those policies anyway.
But this is day one, remember?
Not that there is a problem breaking rules on day one, but if it can be avoided it should be.
It can be a bit overwhelming, certainly. At this point, 10 minutes into the first day and 8 minutes into the first crisis, your average new IT hire will check out his workstation.
What if he doesn't have basic troubleshooting tools installed? What if he doesn't have rights to install them since Desktop Support is on some power trip?
I like to keep a small USB drive with me pre-loaded with useful applications.
My standard collection includes some basic diagnostic tools, some virus scanners and cleaners, and some stuff (image editors, web browsers and assorted tools) from Portable Apps.
It is nice to be able to run Firefox right off my portable drive without having to install anything on the work computer.
This lets me spend more time navigating the new political landscape instead of splashing around the shallow end of the technical one.
Fingers crossed that this knowledge comes in handy soon.

Following the events in the last session, the characters pursued the strange green-eyed warforged south towards Xen'drik.
They soon discovered that not only had their adversary secured his way past the vicious sahuagin guards on the deal Huor had brokered in Sharn, he had promised even more rewards to be delivered by the ship following him.
When the sahuagin representative clawed his way onto the deck to demand payment, the party was stunned to discover that the price had jumped from 1500 gold to 8000 -- in addition to magic weapons.
Of course, negotiations broke down quickly. The sahuagin's poor language skills played no small part. He signaled the attack.
A quick spell from Marcus weakened the creature's resolve and Kane Drywell used his weird psionic gift to dissipate the creature instantly into a cloud of mist.
As the other sahuagins swarmed over the rails, the changeling Huor assumed the form of their fallen leader and called for their immediate retreat. Failing to see through his sudden change, the shark men quickly jumped back into the sea.
At this point, with the sahuagin still warily watching the ship, the crew refused to take them through the dangerous passage through Shargon's Teeth without a sahuagin guide.
As desperation set in, another negotiator swam up to the boat.
It was soon settled. The party would travel to a nearby island to kill something called a "not fish" (language barrier) and return with the heart in a magic bag provided by the sahuagin. The sailors would stay with the ship.
After rowing for a few hours, the party pulled their lifeboat onto a deserted stretch of beach and stared into the dense jungle.
When willing the "not fish" to emerge failed, they tramped off into the brush.
It wasn't long before Huor caught sight of a tripwire leading to a large spiked ball of bamboo hanging overhead. As Hour disabled the trap, he spotted a large, dark-skinned figure with a long spear watching them.
The creature spoke, "Why'd you bust my trap?"
There was an uncomfortable few moments as the party tried to determine that this person, a large amphibious Orca-patterned "darfellen" named Oolibjub, was not something the sahuagin would refer to as a "not fish".
He told them he was hunting a girallon, a large four-armed, white-furred gorilla beast, in the jungle. He was hunting it in part to protect the small fishing village on the other side of the island and in part to keep the evil sahuagin from using the heart of the beast in some foul ritual.
A lengthy discussion followed. It was decided by the dark elf guide Zaxxon that they would help Oolibjub hunt the creature and then, if necessary, kill him and take the heart.
They spent more than a day with the darfellen. It was enough time to determine that he was probably right. While it could cost the crew their lives, the heart could not be delivered to the sahuagin.
Then they found the girallon perched on top of some giant ruins deep in the jungle. The beast threw a rock at them, narrowly missing Oolibjub. While the party took position, Zaxxon placed a globe of magical darkness over the creature forcing it down from it's nest.
The party blasted it with spells, sneak attacks and giant-sized weapons until it collapsed. Then they gathered the heart into the preservative bag while Oolibjub watched reproachfully.
"I don't want to fight all of you . . . " he began.
"Good!" yelled Huor, grabbing the bag and dashing for the beach. Marcus and Zaxxon followed, carefully matching his footsteps to avoid still-active traps.
Oolibjub stared at Kane across the rapidly cooling corpse of the monster.
"I understand your position," he announced.
"We can't let the crew die," Kane clarified.
"I know," the darfellen answered, "but will you make this right?"
"How?"
"These herbs will allow you to breathe underwater. Observe the ritual and, if it fails, continue your journey in peace. If it works -- and their prince gains the awful power he expects -- kill him."
At once, Kane promised this would be done.
Of course, there was a lot of debate over who would join Kane in the water when the time came.
In the end, everyone swam down to watch the ritual, which took place just after the difficult passage through Shargon's Teeth.
Before it began, Huor challenged the prince (on behalf of Kane) to honorable single combat. Unfortunately for Kane, the ritual worked. It granted extra strength to the prince and a set of extra arms. As the prince swam forward, he threw a trident at the half-giant and drew first blood.
Kane wasn't happy about this. Aided by the spells cast by his companions before the battle, Kane used his giant glaive to hold the creature at bay and eventually defeat him.
The party was allowed to leave unchallenged.
They arrived in the largest inhabited city on the continent, Stormreach, later that day. Immediately, they set about booking passage towards Mal-Banom.
They knew the trip overland would take almost a year. They also knew that they could save about three months by booking travel on a boat part of the way.
Of course, finding passage was not easy.
The affordable boat was most likely engaged in either piracy or slaving.
The nice boat cost over twice what they had to spend.
The route was just unprofitable for everyone.
In the end, Marcus visited the local branch of his church and was advised to visit Gralnak the hobgoblin down the beach. Gralnak had a boat, was a recent convert to the Silver Flame, and was in pretty desperate need of work.
The price was set, Gralnak readied the boat, and they set sail the following morning -- half a week behind the green-eyed warforged.
Soon, the water level dropped too much (heart of the dry season) and, as the boat dragged the bottom, Gralnak jumped out to pull with a rope. Kane joined him in the water.
Part of the bank seemed to shift. Kane stepped in front of Gralnak to protect him and a large, slime-covered lobster creature emerged from the shore, grabbed him and crushed him with massive claws. From underneath, tentacles threatened to paralyze him.
Huor jumped off the bow of the boat and landed on the creature, but he slid off the thick slime coat without leaving any lasting damage on the monster.
Gralnak moved to attack the creature and Zaxxon cast spell after spell, slowly hurting it.
As Marcus healed him, Kane psionically dissolved part of the creature's claw. It wasn't fast enough to prevent the creature from crushing him into unconsciousness and moving on to smash Gralnak.
Marcus spent the next few moments healing Gralnak and Kane enough to keep them alive. Then the creature grabbed him and began to crush.
Kane had recovered enough to join Zaxxon and Huor in attacking the beast and it was defeated before it could eat Marcus.
As the characters rested on the deck of the ship, the players noticed that they had spent an entire gaming session without having to divide up treasure. Yay!

Casual jeans Friday! Casual jeans Friday! Casual jeans Friday!

It is still important to celebrate -- even without a formal structure.
Tonight we plan to celebrate by rolling dice in anger Dungeons and Dragons style.

Also, Joe brought brisket (two varieties) and the whole pile of meat is smoking away outside like a Waffle Shop waitress.

Mmmmm . . . Waffles.

Today was another all about the phone day. Also, it is rather warm in Houston. You know what that means. Cell phone ear sweat syndrome. Gross.

Tomorrow we are attending the Ballunar Festival at NASA. The last time we visited NASA we tried the wrong (non-tourist) entrance and were turned away by rifle-wielding MPs. It was awesome.
I'm just hoping this will be a clown-free festival.

I've got geeky blog topics planned for next week. Sadly, there are no other plans for next week.

Seriously. We finished Season 1 of Lost through NetFlix this week. That was the big accomplishment.

My descent into madness continues soon.