Okay, listen:

Holy crap!
Both gaming magazines, Dungeon and Dragon, are closing shop in September!
I've read those since I was a kid!
Wizards of the Coast (Hasbro, now) plans to offer an online version with a paid subscription.
Holy crap!
Who wants to lug a computer to the gaming table?
So now I have to pay and print everything?
I'm all about saving trees, but Dungeon and Dragon (I'd assumed) were printed on sickly trees. Or trees that were depressed. Or maybe trees that the other trees were a little bit sick of being around.

As if I weren't disgusted enough with that bit of corporate nonsense, Coke "revitalized" the rewards program.
This apparently means they add a few products, remove a bunch, and jack up the prices.
As if my kidneys didn't already pulse with agony.
I have no choice but to ramp up the project yet again just to keep them from getting away with it.
I'll show them. Oh, yes. Revenge will be mine as soon as I stop crying when I try to go #1.
I did manage to find a couple of bottles of Diet Coke Plus on my way in this morning, which should at least stave off scurvy for a few weeks.

But wait!
In a bit of good news, Starbucks has fled the field of battle since I exposed their conspiracy.
Cinnamon Dolce has vanished entirely from the menu, both online and in every store I stopped in.
I'll celebrate my victory as soon as the last of it leaves my system -- probably at the end of one of these weird shakes I've developed.
Perhaps next time they will think twice before tangling with an angry blogger.

I'll gloat when I next order a quad-shot venti breve no-foam latte. Probably later today.

Maybe twice.

I'm so very thirsty.

Okay, I'll admit I'm not one for calls to action in this space. In fact, I'm one of the biggest proponents of inaction you can find on the internet (capitalization left off intentionally) and the blog-o-sphere is loaded with pro-sloth inactivists.
However, if there was ever a cause that fit the focus of this blog, I found it yesterday.
I don't know how you, dear readers, feel about the war. However, I'm certain we can all agree that supporting the troops is a good thing.
We just talked to Gwynyth Sunday afternoon about the scrap metal drives and Victory gardens of the 1940's, so this cause could hardly be more timely for us personally.
Alright, so we all know being an American soldier in Iraq sucks.
There is sand everywhere (a fact that makes me think, unfavorably, about Jedi romance from Episode 2), the comic books are old and access to even email is questionable. It is like camping but with people trying to kill you all the time.
However, one base has planned an event unheralded in the history of the military.
Ziggurat Con promises to be a phenomenal moment in gaming on June 9th, held at the very ziggurat (on base) of the ancient city of Ur, right next to the reported birthplace of Abraham himself. Dungeons and Dragons in the desert.
Here is the problem and a proposed solution:
While they have state-of-the-art weapons and the best armor they can construct out of whatever was laying around, some of the troops didn't bring their dice with them.
Some of them may have to resort to . . . I hesitate to speak it . . . sharing dice.
This . . . Just . . . Isn't . . . Done!
What if someone accidentally rubs the lucky off another player's D20? Remember, these players are heavily armed.
They probably need other stuff, and I'm sure you could find out exactly what from Con Organizer David Amberson (david.amberson_AT_iraq.centcom.mil). However, I'll save you a step.
Dicepool offers dice by the pound at a reasonable rate and there is plenty of time to order some, pack it down with fresh comics, hand-painted miniatures, Mountain Dew and mechanical pencils and ship the whole box to:

SPC David Amberson
A Co 86th Sig Bn
APO, AE 09331

They might even ship directly there.
It looks like they plan to spend nine hours reclaiming the acronym "RPG" for "Role Playing Games", as God intended.
I don't know if it is tax-deductible, but I'd claim it anyway.