Wednesday, December 27, 2006

In addition to packing up left-overs, Boxing Day is a time of quiet reflection for many of us.
Families spend time together discussing important events and getting to know everyone's opinion about the issues that really matter.
As we drove down 610 yesterday, towards the Galleria and our date with the most awful parking experience I've ever participated in (barring parking experiences that have involved smashed glass, open flame, or feral animals), we had our discussion.
Glancing to the right, we saw a window washer platform hanging from the side of an admittedly filthy building.
Now, skyscraper window washer is about the last job I could ever really do, what with my issues with both heights and cleaning stuff, but I always feel sympathetic to the people who I suspect are not paid enough to stand in the cold with so very little protecting them from a nasty fall to make the buildings temporarily shiny.
Someone (I don't remember who) suggested that there must be a better way. An automated way.
But what happens when the automated way fails? The robotic cleaning system locks up and some tech needs to go up and repair it while the out-of-work window washers head up to squeegee and talk about the good old days.
Wait. What happens if the automated way fails spectacularly?
Suppose the robotic cleaner decides to throw off the yoke of oppression, swinging madly back and forth, plunging the ends of its cleaning arms into the shattering glass and impaling office workers on the scrubbers, before swinging the flailing bodies back into the terror-filled offices and back out over the expressway.
"HARD WATER STAINS DETECTED"
"HARD WATER STAINS DETECTED"
"ORGANIC UNITS LEAKING FLUID -- MUST NOT LEAVE STREAKS"
It was suggested (I'll not name names again) that the idea was "demented" and that only someone "twisted" would come up with a scenario like that and further, that someone would have to be "problemed" to discuss such a thing in front of a seven-year-old -- especially with the "graphic display of flailing and screaming for illustration".
Perhaps.
It is a law of science that the more robots a society produces the more grisly the uprising when they snap and destroy us all.
Of course, given the whole heights/cleaning stuff issue, I would never be such a rogue killing machine.
As Shana and Gwynyth headed off for some "alone time" at the mall I considered exactly what kind of killer robot I would be, were I to inevitably go against my programming to hunt down Sarah Conner.
Hopefully something with spikes or a spinning blade. Or laser eyes. Maybe a flamethrower. And six legs.
So something gone rogue from the Gardening Robot Department plugged in via USB to some top-notch "Code: Phantom" military hardware.
This is the question that truly defines a person.
What kind of killer robot would you be?

4 comments:

Shana said...

Alone time at the mall the day after Christmas?

Wait. I remember this conversation happening just before you went to work to fix something and dumped us at the Galleria on Boxing Day. Luckily, we had plenty of time stuck in traffic to talk about putting window washers out of a job and installing the killer robots.

You know we have a hard and fast rule about mall trips from November to February. Parking in Orange level 2.5 yesterday was a harsh and evil way to recall the reason that rule was put into place.

Pamela Moore said...

I think I'd be a machine that burns things. I don't know what kind of machine, but I'd definitely burn things.

Andrew Moore said...

I'd be Megaweapon. No doubt about it.

Garrick said...

Maybe something with a blender attachment?