Thursday, February 14, 2008

The Question Always Starts The Same . . .


. . . "I don't want to offend you . . . "

And I know the end of the question, after a decade.

". . . but Shana is really cool and very pretty and you . . . "

Yeah, not so much. Got it.

I married waaaaaay up. I know.

In public, no one assumes we are together because I'm obviously such a total geek and Shana is a completely cool and smart and fun and extremely attractive woman.

The question, boiled down, is a combination of a delicate inquiry about the size of my bank account and her immigration status.

I'm no longer offended. I'm extremely lucky she chooses to spend time with me and I know that.

What I will do is answer the question which should be asked:

"What did you, you total geek, do in order to captivate the heart of this vibrant awesome woman?"

The answer, friends, is simple. Hopefully my geeky single guy friends will gain a bit of insight into the reality of it all and use these words to aid their own path to happiness.

First of all, expensive jewelry and lavish dinners. A lot of both, actually. And flowers. Acres of flowers. Especially ultra-rare rainforest ones extinct in the wild.

Long chick flick marathons where I watch intently and don't murmur a word to interrupt.

Moonlit walks along the beach where I listen to her concerns about her day and whisper sweet assurances.

An intuitive knowledge of her moods which allows me to tailor my level of play to her own level of tolerance, sometimes just stopping to hold her in an embrace that makes her feel enclosed but not contained.

Ah, crap.

Who am I kidding?

Hypnosis and hallucinogens.


The Chuck Norris of Romance

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