Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Breaking My Own Rules

I know.
Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng is not about politics.
My whole I.T. career can be summed up the same way.
Still, today the people I work with, and the people you work with, and the people you see in the check-out line, and the people who cut you off in traffic or stop a whole line of cars to let you make a stupid left turn will be picking a brand-new shiny Leader of the Free World.
It's about time. Even if the approval ratings for the current guy weren't completely horrible you have to admit the shelf life on even the very best Leader of the Free World is eight years plus a memoir.
Whatever happens in a today, everything changes.
This election, even with all the name-calling and finger-pointing and catch phrases, is going to fundamentally change reality in a new and awesome way.
Politics aside, this election makes me think of my parents.
When they were in school, they were taught that people, American people, would visit space and walk on the moon.
And they believed it, sure, but until late at night on July 20th, 1969, it was a belief based on a theory.
And when I went to school it was historical fact.
My belief was based on video and audio and books about it
My belief was based on my parents having seen it happen.
And when I went to school I was taught that anyone could run for President if they were the right age, born in America, and stayed out of prison.
It didn't matter what color a person was or what gender, anyone could potentially be President of the United States.
I believed it. But until this election, that belief was also based on a theory.
And when my daughter goes to school and they tell her the same thing they told me, she will believe it because she saw it.
She will believe it because a woman from Alaska may be elected as Vice President (even though Ferraro was first to run for VP) and a black man from Hawaii may be the new Leader of the Free World.
And in a couple of weeks after all the legal wrangling and chad slapping is over, history will have been made.
Undeniably, this is awesome.
Of course, this election is also hitting pretty close to home for us, and not just because the economy is completely shot and our troops are not, for the most part, happy troops and congress keeps freaking trying to regulate the flow of information. I'm telling you people, we are one genetically-engineered virus away from a total zombie apocalypse.
But anyway.
This election, I'm looking at the issues from an officially Jewish perspective.
There have been numerous reports of Republican push polls targeting Jewish voters alleging the Democratic candidate's ties to the PLO.
As little as I fear these tactics would ever work on informed voters, I still have some concerns.
Why do Republicans even keep a list of Jewish people?
The important issue, as I see it, is:
Which would-be LFW will best save us all from the inevitable zombie/robot/alien infestation/uprising/invasion?
Since we all know the first thing to fall is our ever-so-fragile Government infrastructure, we will probably be best served by the candidate with real-world, grass roots, community organization experience, and not an especially long career in Washington. I mean, that place gets leveled first in almost any zombie/robot/alien scenario.
On the other hand, no one has produced footage of Obama wielding a chainsaw or a cricket bat, so the final determination is up to you. Remember, with either implement it all comes down in the end to upper body strength.
Now that the whole "Who do I vote for?" issue has been covered, I'm going to go over what you can do at home on Election Night.
The rules are as follows:
50 cards are labeled for the individual states and placed in a hat. Everyone draws until there are no states left in the hat.
If the state goes red, the holder of that state's card drinks something red like red wine, vodka and Red Bull, or Red Stripe Beer.
If the state goes blue, the holder of that state's card drinks something blue like blue Jell-O shots, Blue Moon beer, or Jones Blue Bubble Gum Soda with vanilla vodka.
The "Everyone Drinks" words from commentators for the evening are:

Swing State

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