Who Should I Call About This?

Allow me to present a picture of the backyard pool taken this morning as I was leaving for work:


This isn't right. At all.
My garden hose crackled when I stepped on it.
My steering wheel was actually physically painful to touch.
I thought it might be cold up on the mountain here, but this is just stupid cold.
The natives seem fine. They've been calling me "soft" all morning from inside their freshly-constructed ice block houses with two-ply seal skin flap-style doors.
When I suggested "lichens and caribou" as a lunch option, I was completely disregarded. I'm still trying to fit in here, even though my fingers have crystallized and I can no longer feel my feet.
My remaining question is:
Who can we blame for this? This kind of cold s completely unacceptable.
Here is another question:
Do you guys recycle? Do your part to conserve energy? Reduce your carbon footprint?
If so, this is pretty clearly all your fault.
What I need right now is some solid, sustainable global warming.
If it isn't too much trouble, I'd appreciate everyone ditching the car pool and taking the long way to work this week.
Seriously.
I'd do it for you.
Also, we could use a nice, slow-burning tire fire around here. I'll be stocking up on the neighbor's tires this evening and starting the preliminary gasoline soak.
You guys have neighbors. And gas is almost to the point where it seems cheap again.
If you happen across any baby seals while out and about this week, remember you are always one swift clubbing away from me being able to feel my toes again.
I miss them so much.