Tuesday, November 18, 2008

This Was Not Covered In Orientation

Again, as a public service, I'm going to go over some things it is apparently not okay to say in a corporate environment:

"I've looked at the server that doesn't work, compared it to the one that does, and have tried, unsuccessfully, to recreate the error the tester is seeing. Unless you want me to take off my shirt and rub my nipples on the monitor to try to find an issue using my other senses, I'm done here."

"Please let the user know that they need to call the Help Desk and have their machine reloaded. Also, tell him that our 'target number' for 'less hassles in the future from him' is a flat 40%."

"I know all my current tickets are flagged 'end-user issue'. My stuff works fine. By process of elimination, this is clearly their fault somehow."

"It isn't that I don't care about that user's productivity. I just care so little it appears that I care not at all."

"How did you get this number? Who told you we could help you at this extension? And what was their user ID?"

"All we hear from these people is how stuff doesn't work. Would some constructive criticism be too much to ask? How about : 'I think the logon screen is pretty but I can't seem to click on it anywhere' or 'I like it but I'd find it more useful if all the access weren't stripped out of it'?
It isn't like I call them all 'dumb'; I say they are 'functional' yet 'shockingly somehow still able to remember to breathe given their obvious mental deficiencies'."

"Issue number 618 has been open a long time, but the issue has been resolved for weeks. I've just been using that issue number for everything else since then because I didn't want the system to email me new numbers."

"I'm not going to be able to help you until I get coffee. I'm just going to set the phone down here. I'll be back, prolly."

What's wrong with any of that?
Honest and open communication is key in an office environment, in my opinion.

I've been assigned "Professionalism Training" on December 2nd.


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