Thursday, March 06, 2008

Announcement Time

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I promised an announcement and I will deliver an announcement.

The announcement I intended was one about the opening of our new corporate East Coast headquarters, but it seems the expansion will be postponed for a little while at least.

It isn't like there isn't anything to announce, though. I have loads of announcements around here, and most of them fall more into the "interesting changes in the format of Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng" category than the often emphasized "drunken rant about the coming zombie invasion" one.

Sadly, those are our only two options.

For those of you who turn up here every so often expecting to see text to skim, there is another way to access the cheery and enthusiastic productivity tips which are produced here so elegantly with semi-daily regularity.  As a bonus, the new method is even less labor intensive than slogging through the text manually, risking eyestrain, carpal tunnel, some nasty trackball-based infection, and the chance that some of this text may trigger a workplace firewall alert followed by lengthy sensitivity training (No warranty by Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng is expressed or implied, your mileage may vary depending on road conditions, this geek is in no way a lawyer, use of the materials contained in this blog is defined as "As Is" and application of the ideas contained within may constitute violations of the laws of your community and certainly often do violate the laws which define human decency and allow us to function socially as a species.).

This spring, ladies and gentlemen, Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng is going on tour.

We've put a secret ballot box in the break room at Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng Worldwide Amalgamated Headquarters and have been letting the staff suggest tour titles. So far, the leader seems to be "Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng!" though I'm pretty sure when it comes to live shows an exclamation point at the end denotes that the performance is a Musical. Pam or Andrew should correct me if things have changed since I dropped out of the industry.

Anyway, once the title is selected I'll be cranking out t-shirts and bumper stickers and trying to find an older VW van from which to sell hemp bracelets in the parking lot since quality control dictates that these things be done according to process.

So far, our handlers have settled on one venue and date but I'm certain that they are working on others in an attempt to be inclusive.

Tickets are not available for pre-order at this time, but . . . and this is a secret (published on the interwebz and non-encrypted and therefore about a poor a secret as has ever been) . . . I know a guy who knows a guy at the door, so I could totally get you in probably. 

At 9am on April 12th I'll be speaking to select members of the class of 2010 at Lee College about life in Corporate America with a Presentation titled "Workplace Communication: Technology is a Tool So I Don't Have to Be".

Topics covered will include:

Email

Blogging

Instant Messenger and Text Communication

Web Conferencing

Live In-Person Meetings

And Passwords and Security Measures a non-I.T. professional employee can perform to make the real I.T. staff like them.

I'm getting the use of a projector and everything!

I'd expect a profanity-laced 90 minutes including Q&A and I've already noticed that one of the documents I'm sharing for example contains the word "Penis", though its inclusion was purely by random chance.

I'm taking this opportunity to speak to a group of people who will soon be joining me in this grand adventure in the workforce with absolute realism about the stuff which isn't allowed into textbooks. The publication of these processes and real-life examples would cripple the economy when an entire generation chose after graduation to sell novelty t-shirts on the beach somewhere instead of getting a "real job" and paying off their student loans, but I can take a chance on a select group of students.

Eventually (like when I figure out how to publish a Google Docs presentation through Blogger) I'll make the slides available here purely for giggles.

Hell, there is every chance that within minutes of the close of the presentation grainy cellphone video of the whole thing will turn up on YouTube with amusing editorial asides and captions like "I CAN HAS PRESENTASHUN" and "BITTER GEEK IS ALL OUT OF BITTER" and "GEEK MONSTER HAZ EATED UR SATURDAY - NOM NOM NOM".

At least it would if I were in charge.

3 comments:

Darrell said...

2010? My ADHD won't let me focus on anything past

Davis said...

For making us wait I demand that you let us vote on the speech. Its only fair.

Garrick said...

Agreed.

Please submit tour titles and (if you like) phrases which I must insert into the presentation or shave my head or something.