Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Important Things

Look at this little guy with the Millenium Falcon playset from the 70's. Isn't he just the happiest looking person you've ever seen? Especially when you consider that he has been severed at the ribcage and probably, aside from having access to the most awesome toy of the decade, has a shell of an existence barely mitigated by having more Stormtoopers for play purposes than anyone I've ever met.
I know that feeling.
I was that little guy at one point, blissfully happy to be the only kid on my block with access to a cockpit area which held both Chewbacca and Han Solo, a hidden smuggling compartment in the back, and a Dejarik table capable of hosting a match between whatever wookiee and droid would like to play for arms.
There was even a rotating quad-laser emplacement and battle sounds.
I, and the rest of my generation, belived we had it all.
We were dumb.
A few years ago, Hasbro released an updated Falcon playset. It was the same mold, but included LEDs and better sounds. The hyperdrive engine lit up, just like the one I'd rigged on the Millenium Falcon linux webserver case mod I'd done from a battered shell of a YT-1300 I'd picked up on Ebay and given more movie-realistic paint.
This was bad enough, but yesterday I saw the latest build of the Millenium Falcon.
The old mold is gone forever.
The new model is thirty inches of awesome space freighter.
Without actually winning your own in a Sabbacc game with Lando Calrissian, this is as close as any of us will ever get to owning the real thing.
It comes with Han Solo and Chewbacca, marking the first time the ship has ever been sold by the manufacturer with crew figures.
Hasbro seems justifiably proud, too:

"Best known as the fastest ship in the Star Wars galaxy, piloted by Han Solo and Chewbacca, this detailed replica of the rebel spacecraft packs powerful secrets and special modifications – inside and out. Measuring more than two-and-a-half feet long, the Millennium Falcon’s uniquely circular style is ready to “blast off” with light-up headlights and loads of electronic vehicle and weapon sounds, including engine boost, cruise mode, fly-by, firing cannons and much more! Open the light-up cockpit and fit up to four figures inside. The vehicles comes with Han Solo and Chewbacca figures and can hold up to 16 more (each sold separately) inside its secret smuggling compartments, pivoting gunner station or missile-firing mini-fighter vehicle. Remove the outer panels to access the ship’s interior. Then, head for the medical bay to “treat” wounded troops! Activate deployment sounds and landing lights with the auto-opening boarding ramp. Or plan your attack against the Empire with a pivoting gunner station, rotating laser turret and 3-missile launcher, with plenty of realistic blasting sounds and projectiles to keep enemies at bay. A pivoting training probe makes lightsaber and movement sounds for those who wish to practice their Force fighting skills. Trigger more than 20 authentic movie phrases and sounds from the voices of Han Solo, Luke Skywalker™, Obi-Wan Kenobi™, C-3PO™, Chewbacca and R2-D2™! Light up the hyperdrive engine lights and fly your imagination into the next constellation – or the other end of your playroom! Add this impressive vehicle to your collection and recreate your favorite battle scenes, or strategize your own endless action adventures!"

Holy crap! The whole top comes off! On the old one, most of the interior was inaccessible because it was used to conceal the sound equipment. In the seventies, the electronics required to make laser noises was about six inches by four inches and weighed over two pounds. I know, I took one apart with a dremel tool to stick a web server in it.
You couldn't fit 16 figures in it if you stacked them like bricks inside and made some ride on the roof.
I feel the release of this playset has now officially invalidated my entire childhood.
My childhood will remain invalidated until I manage to aquire one of these.
I trust my imaginary friends will understand.

1 comment:

Joe said...

I hear the new Death Star playset will actually have an AI-operated animatronic creature that lives in the trash compactor ...