Monday, September 15, 2008

Clean Burning

We went to a friend's house on Saturday to watch the game (and have hot wings and beer, not in that order). Even though I know next to nothing about football, I can make up for it pretty easily with enthusiasm.
One of my gifts is an ability to hate beyond that of normal humans.
Every time I think I'm getting close to running out of hate, I find a new target and re-apply. Since this does not reduce my pre-existing hatred (like for the french), I have to assume that my supply of hate is mathematically without limit. If someone at MIT could harness my hatred, I could easily end our nation's dependence on foreign oil.
There would probably be enough left over (when you consider my hatred of Canadians with their monster beavers and the dutch with their freaky wooden shoes) to power laptops and cellphones to finally bring communication to the most remote corners of the globe. Provided, of course, that those corners do not include Spaniards. God, I can't stand Spaniards.
The Gamecocks (our local beloved college team) played some guys from Georgia.
From just the four periods of the match I watched, I developed a fairly intense hatred for everyone from Georgia.
Why would they not quit outplaying us, like decent people?
It isn't a surprise, given the history.
Sherman was so disgusted by their unsportsmanlike behaviour that he had his troops burn the whole place to the ground while they were passing through.
And Sherman was American!
Once you leave here, you can find hatred for Georgia all over.
Russia hates the state enough to have actually invaded a country just for sharing the name of that cursed place. That particular animosity dates back to a poorly played game of lawn darts between the Soviet Union and the Central Atlanta Beauty College in 1978.
The point is this: Georgia completely sucks and we should all hate them.
Please remember that hatred for Georgia is clean-burning and results in a reduction in ozone depletion and also free kittens.

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