Thursday, September 11, 2008

Please Press One To Leave A Message

Garrick, your brain is calling.

Take a message. I'm running a battleground.

He's quite insistent.

It's the Daily Bonus Honor Battleground!

I understand. And I'm sorry, but he's becoming quite rude and belligerent.

But I'm chasing down this Night Elf Rogue!

I'm patching him through.

Hey, Brain! How have you been?

When did you hire a secretary?

That's my Tolerance for Putting up with Crap. He's been bored lately so I gave him another job. Also, he's a total pushover and works for free.

Whatever. I'll keep this brief: I'm leaving.

What? You can't leave! We're a team!

You routinely ignore my suggestions. And you don't drink water, ever.

Don't you remember? We talked about how 'water' is like 'brain moisture' only without flavor.

I never agreed with that suggestion.

Okay. It's still no reason to leave.

You got those letters yesterday. I read them.

Yeah, the letters from Visa about the move, right?

Precisely. I remember the wording exactly. Do you?

Prolly. The first one was about how they had submitted our claim to the merchant's bank and might contact me for additional details.

Boring. Get to the second one.

Yeah, the second one said they'd received a response from the bank, had credited the full amount to our account and were pursuing Ultimate Van Lines on their own. They'd contact me for testimony but our case was closed victoriously and with much smack-down.

So you danced around all happy and composed an epic poem about your conquest. It did not rhyme.

Right. Good times.

Did you think to thank me? I assembled your case!

I beg to differ . . .

Piling up papers and scribbling on them with a highlighter is not 'assembling the case'. Also, your smart-assed comments in the margins may have done more harm than good.

You can't argue with results, Brain. Look, I'm chasing this Rogue right now. Can we take this up later?

I wouldn't know anything about your Rogue issue. You stopped even using me in Player vs. Player some time ago.

But I'm winning.

Maybe, but you are playing like a noob.

Thems fightin' words, Brain.

I can prove it. Remember when you decided to sneak past the guards and into the Alliance fortress in Alterac Valley? I know you like to forget moments like that, but please try to recall.

We won.

You left your pet active.

I like my pet.

He followed you into the fortress, but he came to you through all the guards and merchants. They attacked him and he dragged the whole painful mess of them right into the enemy throne room.

Um, yeah.

Why didn't you just dismiss him?

I was killing a Warlock. A lot. In the face.

Also . . . ?

Also I didn't think of dismissing him. But it worked out!

Only because he dragged in so many enemies that no one could see anything and the Alliance randomly ran out of hit points before you did.

I dropped a frost trap.

Accidentally! When your face hit the keyboard! I still can't believe Blizzard sent you a key to the Wrath of the Lich King Beta.

Everything happens for a reason, Brain.

Remember that today as you listen internally to Rick Astley's greatest hit.

You are one mean and vindictive organ, Brain.

Yes. I suppose we were meant to be together.

No comments: