Where Was I?

Hey! Brain! BRAIN!

I'm not speaking to you.

Seriously, brain. I need some help here.

Oh, now you need some help?

Yeah! Really!

But you didn't need my help before?

When before?

Yes, when before?

Um . . . Lots of times.

Like?

Do I have to say it?

No. You don't have to do anything. And I don't have to help you.

Okay. Um. Like this weekend, when I was fixing that broken stuff at work. I totally needed you to watch the clock so I could stay within the approved outage window.

Which I did, setting my internal clock and forcing your eyes to the system time display every few minutes.

Yes. And thanks.

But you ignored the time.

Well . . .

And you rebooted stuff left and right, sometimes checking to make sure users were still connected so you could identify them when they called and giggle.

I was under a lot of stress, brain.

And I had a task, which I carried out in exchange for a glass of water. A task which was ignored for water which was never delivered.

Diet Pepsi Max has water in it!

This is why I'm not helping you.

But I need your input here!

What is it this time?

You know I haven't had a chance to post in a couple of days. And people are starting to almost expect my automated death post. Give me a post.

Do it yourself.

I just need a topic.

Write about proper hydration and the effect it has on higher reasoning.

Come on!

You haven't made a very strong argument for my support.

But brain . . . Me not good at words using on my alone.

Don't pull that with me. I came up with that routine.

I'll get another cup of coffee . . .

Is that a threat or a promise?

I know you want it, brain. The caffeine. The Splenda. It goes right to whatever cortex enjoys that stuff. I can feel it.

I don't need it.

No. But you want it. I can tell because I can feel the blood moving through you so painfully sluggishly.

The blood is moving fine. It's all . . .

. . . In my head? Who was the largest Transformer?

Fortress Maximus

Are you sure it wasn't Unicron?

Fortress Maximus was two and a half feet tall. As a toy.

Which Doctor wore broccoli on his lapel?

Peter Davison, the fifth Doctor Who.

What's the capitol of North Dakota?

Fargo.

It's Bismarck. I'll go get that coffee now.