It is pitch black.

You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

 

More truthful words were never uttered in a video game than those, my friends.

One of the best things we brought with us on our cultural journey through the Reagan Era (after the end of Soviet Communism and leg warmers) was Zork.

There were no guild politics, no complicated loot mechanic, no server lag.

Of course, there were also no graphics, no interaction with other humans and no server. In fact, you can play the whole thing (actually a little more feature-rich version) on a single error page. If you do, try to avoid all the grue. Those things are nasty. I think.

Either way, I didn't realize how much I hated text-based adventuring until I tried looking at it through retinas burned with images of mushrooms and pointless plumbing and weird, angry, spiky, spinning turtles. "Too many words!" my brain rebels. And I agree. If I wanted words, I'd read the news instead of having it streamed to my web browser in beautifully rendered 3d majesty.

Speaking of updates, I have 3,846 Coke Reward Points burning a hole in my account. I had actually given up on ever seeing the Nintendo Wii available on the site again and decided to pick up a Nintendo DS with the intention of pulling it out of my cargo pants at every opportunity to coach my Pokemon army into global domination with cries of, "My Pokemons! Let me show you them!"

Note: Grown men sometimes play Pokemon. The latest version is more like a giant DNA experiment than a mindless series of fights between cute tiny monsters. Fortunately, there is also a series of fights between cute tiny monsters.

However, the Coke Rewards site was sold out of the DS, too. I may have a few glasses of water today in quiet rebellion.

This morning I watched Season 2, Episode 1 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, having completed season 1 yesterday. Through a marvel of modern technology, I'm able to watch it on my drive in to work. That guy who watches TV while driving? -- That's me.

The secret to watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer is all about having faith in Joss Whedon. Yes, they are high school students fighting evil in a small town just like Scooby Doo, but Joss Whedon makes that okay somehow. Seriously.

As a final update, Mrs. Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng is settling in to her MacBook. I've been charting the effect the machine is having. As her comfort level rises, her enjoyment of the device hugs the same curve. A separate line tracks the "Mac Smugness Factor" or MSF. Every time Windows Vista asks me if I'm sure I want to be doing the thing I'm doing on purpose, there is a spike in the MSF.

These lines will intersect eventually and she and I will stand in an empty white room to debate the benefits of both platforms. I will lose. I have no doubt.