Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Only Allergies


Something in the air this time of year is trying to kill me. I used a whole box of Kleenex (with aloe) before lunch Monday and continued to leak fluid from the front of my head and, it seems, into my lungs. This has resulted in both a slimy disgusting mess and a nasty cough. I've got some prescription-type decongestant which I suspect has been replaced with sugar pills in a hidden camera test and Benadryl which whatever mold or spore is in bloom seems to only find amusing.

This happens every year. The only thing that works is Aleve Cold and Sinus. I've tried everything. All I can do is treat the symptoms and wait for a hard freeze.

On Monday morning before work I stopped at a CVS drugstore to buy my first box of Aleve Cold and Sinus of the season. This event is generally commemorated with a Bayer press release to shareholders and a "Strong Buy" recommendation from 3 of 5 major brokerages.

Instead, I was greeted by an empty shelf and a sign directing me towards the pharmacy -- Which was closed.

I can't buy my over-the-counter medicine over the counter because of the slight possibility (although I am actively leaking mucus and hacking these sick, wet full-body coughs) that I might use the medication to make meth.

I tried to explain that I dropped Chemistry in school and that even if I could figure out how to make meth from Aleve I not only needed the Cold and Sinus medication because of my obvious physical discomfort, more importantly running a meth lab violates our Home Owners Association by-laws.

But, no. I was denied. Listen, if people want to get all methed up and do whatever it is people do while methed up, that's fine. It isn't the brightest thing in the world, but these things tend to work themselves out genetically in a couple of generations.

I want to be able to go into a store and buy over-the-counter medication over the counter! I can't find an online definition, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that may be why it is called "over-the-counter".

I found some orange-colored decongestant in the first aid kit in the break room. If I take six instead of two, I can get by for about an hour and a half at a time. As if my liver and kidneys haven't had enough abuse, already.

On the bright side, thanks to all the aloe my nose is smooth and kissable.

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