Friday, January 18, 2008

Good news from Macworld


I get it. The Macbook Air is thin.

Really, really thin. It weighs less than the Macbook, costs more and has slower hardware specs.

The important thing we are supposed to carry away with us is that it is eerily, spectrally, bordering on death-like thin.



The big news from Macworld came in a small, understated announcement from Dr. Guy (Bud) Tribble, VP of Apple Software:

"With the finalization of our patent process, we are please to announce a new offering as part of the Mac OS X software suite.

"iLolcat will revolutionize the way Mac users interact with cat-based internet memes. Using state-of-the-art Tabby Pattern Pixel Recognition technology, amusing cat pictures are automatically detected and imported into the intuitive iLolcat interface for modification.

"Let's say a co-worker emails this image to your Apple Mail client:


"We can all agree this is completely precious, right? But iLolcat takes this idea a step further and imprints the image with one of over two thousand pre-configured and amusingly spelled text portions. It's as simple as this:



"Ha Ha! Of course you can has cheeseburger, you adorable little ball of fluff! You know Uncle Bud can deny you nothing!

"But let's try a slightly less cliche text selection, completely at random:


"HA HA HA HA! That old classic NEVER gets old! Many years in the future, Mac users may want to input custom text instead of these default nuggets of comedy gold. Once cut-and-paste is possible on the iPhone, this kind of wizardry will be possible from anywhere in the world:


"Wow. That kitten has his facts straight, doesn't he? Also, he is so precious I just want to lick him. Don't you?

"iLolcat can also take the base image and mathematically compute ways the graphic can be made more cute than the original subject. This "Cuteness Integer" is controlled by an easy to use slider. By ramping the base image up to 100x the original base cuteness value, iLolcat returns this image:


"Spooky, isn't it? Its like iLolcat knows what we are all thinking. Patrick Swayze can act, dance and sing. We can all most certainly agree that he represents the Total Package. Am I right?"



We here at the Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng Institute of Fact Distribution and LOLcat Appreciation will truly value this addition to our software library and anticipate that if it functions as promised it will reduce our Lolcat creation time by approximately 40%.


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