Tuesday, April 03, 2007

So I answered the questions wrong, I guess.
It seems with big-time Federal Jury Duty, the juror (also known as the "Taxpayer", in some circles) is on-call for an undisclosed amount of time. Every day, until "they" tell me different, I'm required to call a toll-free (but taxpayer funded) hotline after 6pm to find out if I'm being called for the following morning.
This makes scheduling meetings and sorting a task list at work fairly impossible.
It also annoys the (taxpayer) potential juror to the point that I'll vote to convict just about anyone at the moment.
I'm kind of hoping the case for which they are trying to fill a jury box is something to do with the RIAA and some file-sharing elementary student so that I can show off my excellent pirate impression.
"Ahoy, ye scury dog! Ye best be handin' over tha Kenny Loggins MP3 and a pile o' doubloons fer me lawyer friends here or me crew'll feed ye to tha sharks!
"Or hand over some doubloons to the sharks and we will feed you to the RIAA lawyers. I get confused and I doubt it makes much difference anyway."
Or maybe the case is related to tax evasion! Having just done our own taxes, I'm in a great frame of mind to evaluate someone who chose to skip the hours and hours of paperwork.
Our current administration seems proficient at finding reasons to press charges on all kinds of people, so I could sit on a jury for just about anything.
I've made it a policy to agree with the thought police wherever possible. There is no reason to fight them, and even less point.

In short, if I'm called back as I suspect for Wednesday service, I'll have at least posted my beliefs on a public website which can later be used to disqualify me for service yet not kill my lucrative book deal and the rights to the Lifetime movie about my bold struggle against the closed-minded jurors as I steadfastly vote to acquit the defendant because maybe I remember him from High School and one time we pushed over a Port-A-Let near the football field and then he threw up orange juice.
I hope my character is played by Judith Light.

1 comment:

Joe said...

Better Judith Light than Danny Pintauro ... ahhh, raised by television.