Thursday, August 14, 2008

From Concept to Execution

I mentioned in an earlier post that I'd overlooked the total lack of useful space in the kitchen region of the new Global Headquarters.
What I did not mention was how the issue was addressed.
I suggested that we look into buying an island. Shana immediately latched onto the idea as a kind of desperate last-chance lifeline to a reality where her assortment of baking paraphernalia can one day exist outside of a cardboard box in the garage.
What I did not take into account was the concept of "Kitchen Island" -- Which is a set of cabinets with a table top which stands in the middle of the room and is commonly used to add storage and workspace to a kitchen without an extensive construction project. A good idea, but not mine.
What I meant was that we buy a small island, somewhere tropical but with internet access, and just move there. It would have accelerated my retirement plan a lot, but once we charge a landmass to the Visa and move there, I'd planned to declare the island a sovereign nation and begin construction of my robot/zombie military. Note: The "/" denotes "or" in this case, with the Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng R&D Department determining as quickly as possible whether our resources should be expended on Technology or the Necromantic Arts.
But enough about my fond visions of Geektopia.
Because Shana ran with the other kind of island.
She found one on the internet. It got excellent reviews and was shipped very quickly.
It arrived in two boxes.
Here is one of them:

Now, logically I knew that somehow the pieces of wood in this box could be placed against one another in some kind of pattern which would, in the end, result in furniture.
But my initial reaction (as well as the half dozen reactions following that one) was to open the box, peer inside, then close the box and play video games. This reaction is one I would assume to be about normal for most of the population. That portion which does not have a specific area where tools are hung upon specially configured racks would significantly overlap, in my opinion.
However, after several days things began to accumulate on the island boxes, as if the spirit of the furniture was somehow attracting storage in the only way it was able.
Eventually, I was able to hold open the box long enough to begin the actual construction.
My lack of suitable tools was almost immediately apparent.
At one point, I decided I needed a tool which would warp wood slightly in order to make it line up correctly. The tools I needed were "weather" and "decades".
While I had neither at my disposal, the result was this:

That's right. Don't you be bringing no tired box of wood up in here and be expecting me to not produce some furniture, because I just made that box of random wood my bitch.

Also don't try to move that island, since lateral pressure makes it fold like a house of cards.


Jane said...

The random pile of cardboard detrius in the corner of that last picture makes it look like the island just did a Hulk Smash.

Garrick said...

I wanted to illustrate the humble beginnings of that awesome piece of furniture.

jane said...

I don't know if that's coming across. But I get a definite "I owned you so hard, boxes" vibe from the island.

Garrick said...

I totally did!