Organization

"Garrick, when you get some time today, I need to talk with you about organization of our user groups."

"No problem, I'm way ahead of you."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. Totally done actually."

"Did you break them up by region or business unit or access method?"

"None of that crap. I found the database which lists everyone and just ported it that way, slightly tweaking it for usability."

"There is no database with all twenty thousand users in it."

"I found one."

"How? What database?"

"You know how I hate it when someone hands me random, unrequested cake?"

"Because carbs make you puffy. I know."

"That too, but also because I have no idea what birthday we are celebrating. There is a database for that information."

"You tapped into HR's internal stuff?"

"Not exactly. HR keeps a database with everyone's date of birth in it. This database is what they use to manage the cake ordering process."

"There is a process for cake ordering?"

"You don't think these things just show up, do you?"

"It isn't really a question that gets asked."

"Anyway, I used that database and, like I said, tweaked it."

"I'm afraid to ask. I'm more afraid you'll tell me."

"I created twelve user groups, one for each astrological sign. We'll need to have a special meeting to discuss those people born on a cusp, though."

"You're kidding, right?"

"Oh, hell no. See, this gives us twelve groups roughly the same size. Also, it lets our Help Desk know how to deal with them when they call."

"How does it do that?"

"The Libra group, for instance. Those people are looking for a compromise. They will know, as a rule, that they have called nine times in the past six months about the same issue and they just want a resolution."

"That stuff is all made up."

"There will be no arguing with anyone in the Taurus group, since that would be a waste of time. It is best to admit fault immediately and try to move past it. Trust me, I live with two of them."

[Checking Active Directory] "Holy crap! These groups actually exist!"

"Of course they do, I'm also proactive. The Aries group, due to their adventurous nature, will be the group we use to test new software."

"Damn."

"No compelling reason to argue?"

"No."

"I know. You are in the Capricorn group. It means you will always go with the pragmatic option."

"I completely hate you."

"Yes. You also prefer to deal in absolutes."