Tuesday, December 23, 2008


This afternoon we are climbing on a plane and taking off for a grand tour of the south central United States.
There are a few questions which will be answered, since I've never managed to be on a plane at the same time as the rest of my family going to the same destination.
First, when traveling with my family will I be singled-out and abused by the Department of Homeland Security?
I certainly hope so, since children should always have a practical lesson in the importance of clean underwear since most of the time I can't make it through an airport terminal without flashing them to everyone. Also the appropriate grammatical forms of all the various swears and the proper uses for the term "fascist" are little lessons which seem to be appreciated by the people in the line with me.
The little coin-operated television terminals have nothing on the nice flat screens in the little room where they put you when you get escorted out of the line.
And "out of line" is kind of my thing.
That and wearing underwear with no fly when going through airport security, since there is only so much I'm willing to share without the benefit of a tip jar.
If they try to confiscate my vanilla facial scrub again this will not end well. It is not explosive, it is exfoliating.
Should my pores suffer because of airport security there will be hell to pay, my friends.
I'm not willing to trade healthy skin for a slight possible increase in security.
I have limits.
And I also have dry areas and areas which get shiny.

I should drink more when traveling.

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