Command-C, Command-V

Columbia, South Carolina (WISTV) - Researchers at the University of South Carolina have stumbled upon an intriguing development during their regular study of I.T. Professionals and other Nocturnal Cultures.
The study, funded in part by a grant from the National Institute of Sleep, was designed to track productivity and interpersonal relations among close-knit social groups.
Department Director Dr. Laura Kleinhoff has announced the discovery of a mutation among this largely migratory population.
"I don't know how else to say it, really," Kleinhoff notes,"It seems certain individuals have developed the ability to alter the immutable laws of time itself. I would assume it is a survival mechanism."
"The discovery hinges on simple math," explains graduate student Matt Jeffries, "If a project will require 400 billable hours of labor, and one subtracts 200 billable hours for meetings, there is no way for the project to complete within the ten week schedule. Yet they do!"
And apparently they do it regularly enough to take it for granted.
"The key is in knowing which business unit to bill time to," Lead Server Admin Leo Martin states during an interview conducted as a part of the regular study,"Let's say, for example, I'm working on one thing for business unit A while I'm working on a different thing for business unit B. I finish both things in an hour. The same hour. I just bill each business unit for my time. Which was a whole hour. Each."
While ethically questionable, this seems to satisfy at least the mathematical portion of the question. Other, more urgent, questions remain.
"Aside from the whole altering-the-law-of-time thing, there are physical mutations," Jeffries states,"They develop a sensitivity to sunlight. They ignore whole food groups. They laugh at each other when they quote Monty Python."
As yet, no one knows what prompted the activation of this X-Factor in the human genomes, but there are several theories.
"My guess is gamma rays," Kleinhoff notes,"Other theories are everything from the ingestion of something which used to be take-out in the break room refrigerator to close proximity to multiple electronic devices for extended periods of time. Smart money is always on gamma rays, though."
"It could be all these cellphones I carry around," Martin Anderson (Unix Admin) states,"I keep at least three on me at all times. There is the on-call phone, my work phone and my personal iPhone. I stay especially close to my iPhone. I rub it all over myself all the time, really. Especially around my genitals."
Not everyone is convinced, though. Noted Biochemist Dr. Ann Murphy has published the opinion that,"The ability to alter the any of the fundamental laws of the universe would have astounding effects across more areas than Technical Services. These guys can't even get my wireless mouse to stop squealing every time the guy in the next office spins his mouse wheel."
The group in the study seems content to go about their day-to-day project work, regardless of the debate raging across the research sector.
"Well, there are two kinds of people," Martin notes,"There always have been. There is us, and there are users. It isn't like we are going to suddenly stop ignoring the users or something. I've got stuff to do."
Kleinhoff is currently trying to get these I.T. workers declared a separate species through legislation.
"It is vital, now that we have discovered this population, that we protect it," She explains,"The numbers are limited and the individuals displaying the most profound mutation seem to have almost no chance at breeding at all. Within a generation, these shy and gentle creatures could be completely extinct."
"Altering the laws of time is cool and all," Anderson admits,"But I'm not giving up my TiVo with the firmware hack. No freaking way."
"'With great power comes great responsibility', right?" Anonymous case study A2634 has scrawled in his questionnaire,"And I'm going to be totally responsible with this whole altering the laws of time thing. Right after I finish photoshopping Rick Astley's head onto John McCain's body and posting it to my Facebook page."