Thursday, June 05, 2008

I Got Some Good Stuff

I'll edit these down and pick my favorite, but I'll post some excerpts now:

User: Hello. Can you help me?

Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng: OMG! Put some pants on!

User: What?

Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng: Pants! Now!

User: I'm wearing pants.

Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng: I thought so. Put on an extra pair right now over the ones you are wearing.

User: I wanted help with a computer problem

Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng: And I want to tell a bunch of random strangers to wear multiple pairs of pants at the same time. It's part one of my master plan.

User: Master plan? I just want to know where to get an ink refill for my HP printer.

Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng: Do you want to hear part two of my master plan?

User: Does it involve ink?

Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng: No. Don't be ridiculous. It involves Christian Bale. I haven't figured out exactly how it involves him, but anything which includes Christian Bale is an almost certain success.

User: Do you even work for HP?

Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng: Oh, hell no. I did for a week. It was twisted weird, though.

User has left the conversation


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User: Sometimes my internet connection just stops working. Like I can see websites I have open but new ones can't be found and I have to reboot the computer to fix it.

Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng: So what is the problem?

User: My internet stops working

Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng: But you said rebooting fixes it.

User: But I have to reboot a lot

Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng: Define "a lot".

User: two or three times a night

Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng: Remember Windows 95?

User: sorta

Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng: That was some slick automation of the process which you have been doing manually.

User: rebooting?

Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng: All the damn time. There you are, surfing the intarwebs, typing some stuff, sending an email and BAM! Blue Screen Of Death! Am I right?

User: I still get those

Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng: But not as much. They removed a lot of that functionality in XP and Vista. With 95, when Windows freaked out and stopped working the OS would signal that it needed a break and handle the reboot process for you. Now it is all manual. Complete crap if you ask me.

User: So what do I do?

Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng: Scheduled reboots every fifteen minutes.

User: Seriously?

Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng: Use an egg timer.

User: You suck

User has left the conversation

1 comment:

Darrell said...

Thats Freakin Awesome!
Next time pls inform the user he needs an SoS pad to "clean" his machine and it'll run faster. I prefer the tub