Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng

As soon as I figure out a network protocol that will let me stab people in the face over the internet my stress level should absolutely plummet.
So. Management decided that my ability to multitask is limited. Nevermind that if this is the case someone should tell the sales department to stop triple selling me to clients. The concern has been voiced (though never to me directly) that having an instant messenger installed on my system is the focus of my day.
I can crank through a few dozen tickets, meet with clients by email, phone and in person. I can design and implement complex environments - but if I communicate by text message I'm obviously a complete slacker.
I considered making phone calls whenever I needed to ask my wife something or ask an old co-worker a stupid technical question, but that just runs up my cell bill and annoys everyone.
I decided to just ignore upper management. This policy has gotten me this far. Why start switching stuff up now?
I added Google Talk to my old standard MSN Messenger to provide redundancy. There are very few people on both lists, but this kind of lets me decide who I'm up for chatting with given my current workload/mood.
It was with much joy this morning that I opened an email from our new manager requesting that everyone exchange Messenger IDs to improve communication within the company. Apparently, my 'Workplace Evaluation' comment (reprinted here):

"Never in my work experience have I been in a company with as many internal communication issues - at least not where all the employees share a common language."

. . . was taken as seriously as I intended it.

This change in policy carries with it the added benefit of being able to select disturbing or threatening Messenger pictures and display names. Today is a frowny face with the display name "Violence - If it doesn't work to solve every problem then you aren't using enough".

In order to fully verify the technology I played a brief game of Messenger Chess with one of the overnight guys. It seems to be functioning well, except that the Queens look a little like Bishops from behind. Wow. Even typing that last part has jokes flashing through my head too fast to chronicle.

My plans for today include closing more tickets. I closed about two dozen yesterday. I didn't solve the problems associated really. I don't have that kind of time. I just perfected the "Solution" text box exploit, as I'd like to call it.
No ticket can be closed without a solution in the "Solution" text box. That is coded into the ticketing program.
The ticketing program doesn't care what the solution is, just that there is one. In that way, the program is just like any good manager, but less intrusive.
For a while, I was using "Complete", but this indicates that I actually did something. If you've been reading from the beginning, you know that I've implemented a total (sometimes brutal) honesty policy at work. Even hinting that I cared enough to actually do something about some stupid problem seems dishonest.
Then I used "Out of scope" for a couple of weeks. What does that mean? As far as I can tell, nothing. That makes it pretty ideal. However, including the SHIFT, this is thirteen key strokes. I don't have that kind of time/concern.
Yesterday I discovered " ".
One little " ". Without the quotes, one key stroke. And a key stroke made with my thumb, which has the muscle power to endure a full day of " " followed by an evening of computer gaming, all without cramping. Well, minimal cramping. I think I may have a potassium deficiency.