Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Questions Answered and Further Research


Yesterday I was entirely too busy catching up on all the fun work I'd missed by being out and Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng suffered terribly for it.

I did get questions about the image I selected from a search of "a bit late" on Google image search. I just thought it was funny at first, but then I had questions of my own. Why did that woman's underwear fall down? Does underwear ever really fall fast enough to not get caught on the way? What is the story there? The subtext? Is that police officer going to help her, arrest her, or take pictures with a camera phone to upload to his Facebook page?

It seems like the image of the woman at the parking meter was part of an ad campaign for New And Improved Elastic Underwear, but I think the artist (Art Frahm) continued to paint this type of thing long after the underwear companies stopped paying him. This raises other questions. Most important of these . . . What is Frahm trying to tell us?

Here is another piece:


Little yippy dogs. Is there no evil deed they will shy away from? In this case, the dog seems to have taken the fallen underwear as a sign to dash madly around the woman who was kind enough to take it for a walk and hopelessly tangle her. Little yippy dogs should never be trusted.


The brave woman pictured above seems to know that her underwear has fallen. Does she cower? Does she even reach for them? No. She hurls her groceries to the ground and proudly marches toward that Postal Worker. These were the days before those guys went all "assault rifle", obviously. You go, girl!


Again, a yippy dog makes an appearance, but the threat to this poor woman with failing underwear is obviously that guy with the jack hammer. That guy is so going to lose a toe. To be fair, if you were the guy with the jack hammer and some woman's underwear just fell down in front of you, what would you do? If it were her car keys, you'd pick them up for her. But underwear is not car keys -- Believe me. There have been plenty of early mornings when I've made that mistake with disastrous results. Yes, if this happened near where I was tearing up a street with a jack hammer, I'd probably just  cower under my awesome hat as well.


By this point, I think we can all see one message in all this art. Can we agree that all elastic should be examined with NASA-like checklists before anyone ever leaves the house? This falling underwear seems to have pulled the woman's purse to the floor of a bus along its descent. And now, forever fouled by public transportation floor contact, the coin purse will need to be destroyed.


This has to stop. But before it does, the elevator picture above tells us a different story altogether. If one looks at the position of the woman's feet in relation to each other and to the door of the elevator (Just do your best to ignore the elevator attendant -- There is a reason the government had them all driven into Canada years ago) we can see that failed elastic is the scapegoat in a much weirder incident. This woman has obviously hopped out of the elevator, possibly with her underwear already down. And what elevator lobby is that windy?

Surely that isn't it. Mr. Frahm obviously spent a lot of time on these, time he could have spent making mad overtime cash at his jackhammering/elevator attending jobs. The one thing (aside from underwear failures) these chilling images have in common is that all of these women are carrying fresh celery. Celery = Lost underwear. In addition to being a side order with wings, celery seems to disrupt the properties of the elastic in women's underwear.

For the first time in my life, I intend to buy celery on my way home from work.

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