Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng

Eventually it happens at every job. I try to postpone it for as long as possible without actually lying but eventually someone asks the magic question that forever colors the social relationship.
For a few months I've been able to dodge:

Co-worker: "Can you believe what happened on American Idol last night?"
Me: "No."

Co-worker: "Hey! Did you catch 'Lost' last night?"
Me: "No."

Co-worker: "What did you think of the game?"
Me: "I think the 3.5 edition rules really cleaned up a lot of the gray areas in the initial release of the third edition, while at the same time only abusive players would have caused a problem with shapechange, so nerfing that was a bit harsh. That kind of stuff should be taken care of in game. And, of course, the 'keen' weapon enhancement should stack with the Improved Critical feat."
Co-worker: "I meant basketball . . . "
Me: "They still play that?"

So finally it happened. I missed the coolest thing on TV one too many times and got asked a direct question:

Co-worker: "You never see anything. Why is that?"
Me: Pointing over co-worker's shoulder "Is smoke supposed to be coming out of that?"
Me: Runs away.

Of course, eventually it comes out - and when it does it asks more questions than it answers.
I don't have cable TV.
I don't live way out in the woods. We'd be lost without high-speed internet (which actually comes to us via cable TV infrastructure) we just don't have the TV part.
I don't hate America.
I'm not a snob. Well, not about that. I still won't use domestic soap.

After that is out in the open the relationship changes. Everyone acts skittish around me like I'm going to try to recruit them into some strange cult. I'm not. Well, not about that. ;)
The "Hey did you see . . ." questions fade off after a while but they are eventually replaced.
Usually after my stunning "We don't get cable" confession no one will directly ask but sometimes they don't understand right away.

Co-worker: "Did you see 'My Name is Earl'?"
Me (post-confession): "We don't get cable."
Co-worker: "It isn't on cable. It is on regular TV."
Me: "I don't get that either."
Co-worker: "You don't have a TV?"
Me: "I've got a TV. I may have two."
Co-worker: "You can get this with an antenna."
Me: "Meh."

I've got problems with TV. Don't get me wrong here. I hate to speak ill of the TV. That machine practically raised me. We've just grown apart.
It isn't that I'm hyper-religious or ultra-conservative.
First, there is nothing on worth watching. This bar is pretty high, though. I get limited time with my family between homework and bedtime so anything that cuts into that really needs to be rock-slamming-into-the-Earth kind of important. For big news, we have the internet.
Second, the cable packages are broken up to cost more. If we want Discovery and the History Channel and Bravo we have to pay for 11 Home Shopping networks and 25 Spanish language channels. The Nashville Network is a hate crime. If we could pay for and get just four or five channels we might come back.
I say "might" because of reason number three. Television, having (as I said) practically raised me, has a certain power over me I'm no longer comfortable with, having seen the effect passed on genetically to my daughter.
Given the slightest opportunity I can stare at the flickering box of joy for hours. I've got an addictive personality. I no longer smoke, but I know TV can totally immobilize me. Side note: I should really drink more.
We have Netflix and get a few DVD's a week. Anything we want to see more than once we buy. We don't buy a lot.
The advantage of using the TV just for DVD's is that I can literally "STOP" anytime. Viewing actually has to stop when the disk finishes, but at anytime I can hit a button and attend to real life. Or a reasonable facsimile.
This does have downsides. As I earlier expressed I have no idea what is going on on 'Lost'. I've never seen a single episode. The next American Idol winner will be a total shock to me. I may even unwittingly steal their singles off the internet before I know what they are.
I totally missed some good TV. I never saw a single episode of Firefly before the boxed set was released. I've heard Battlestar Gallactica is good this time around but I haven't seen it.
Sometimes I miss a good Forensics Files late at night.
On the whole, there hasn't been much to miss. I can generally find people to record the odd TV event I can't survive without. Actually, that has happened one time.
And please don't think I'm trying to convert anyone. I need everyone else to get cable.
This is because, post-confession, I eventually take on a new role in the social structure. I become the person people share the story with. They know I didn't see it, so TV gets passed on in the tradition of tribal historians. It may be crap, but it becomes shared crap. And maybe that is the key to interactive television.