Thursday, April 27, 2006

Hey! Look, everybody! Its a blog about blogging!

Ok, I hope not. But yesterday at lunch several co-workers came out of the blog closet. Due to the day-to-day content of this page, I was unable to share mine. I'll get over my skipped chance at self-promotion by reporting right here and right now that I have a blog. I've lost the URL, but I suspect you could Google it. Pretty Geeky something-something. You could Google anything, just don't do it from a work computer.
I spent most of last night in a spooky old data center downtown doing "smart hands" work. Of course, I still had to be in at my regular time this morning. I must say my hands are considerably less smart on 4 hours sleep. And my head feels squishy.
Yesterday afternoon Microsoft called and (since no one wants to talk to Microsoft) I was placed back on the Microsoft team for long enough to take the call.
It seems software licensing irregularities have prompted "concern" in Redmond about the status of our account. I quickly announced that I had nothing to do with that and tossed my manager to the Microsoft wolves, by name.
While I was on the phone, a co-worker reminded me of our Operations Status meeting and I hung up and followed him upstairs to attend.
We went around the table and announced (by the meeting purpose) anything being done that could impact anyone else or the company. When it was my turn I told everyone that I have no impact.
Then, at the end of the table someone suggested I be sent to Crystal Reports training. I've only logged into Crystal Reports once in my life. I don't want to be trained in it. Crystal Reports is so . . . middle manager.
But this suggestion shocked me profoundly enough that I declined the opportunity then and there with a confused, "Um. No thanks. Why the hell would I want that?"
Having been surprised, I flashed back to the phone conversation with Microsoft of five minutes before. I had completely blocked it out!
"Oh yeah, I've got something that may impact some people," and I told them about the impending Microsoft audit. Crystal Reports completely forgotten, I watched the flurry of activity as plans were created. Worst case (though no one I know handles licenses) we have 50 employees and ten Microsoft Office licenses. I suggested we simply fire forty people and format their computers. I started listing specific people. My name was on top of the list.
My manager volunteered his own name to my initiative.
In the end, it was decided we would meet with the worlds largest software company on Monday and work it out. This severely impacts my plan of taking all of next week off, as is my right having been here six months.
Plans for today include finding out exactly how much time I can take off next week and then doing that paperwork. Of course, having just received a field promotion to Software Audit Scape Goat, I may be too busy to do much of anything. Except write haiku:

My workplace is doomed
Microsoft is onto us
There's nowhere to hide.

Pay for your programs
Warez is for hacker newbies
Bill Gates will find you.

2 comments:

Darrell Davis said...

O god no, the end is here!! Child grab your mothers, Fathers deny your children. For God's sake everyone just start praying!

Adrian said...

Holy crap!! You mean Bill got the email?!?!