Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng

Let me begin by saying that I have enormous respect for desktop technicians. I've worked with several who are extremely technically competent and able to deal with a panicked (or just annoying) user efficiently and with class. Of course, I've also worked with some who were completely clue-free, but that does not diminish my respect for the skill set.
This is not work that I can do. It is a completely different skill set than I have. Sometimes I'll be asked to look at something on a desktop computer, but I absolutely suck at working on them.
The configurations are different than a server operating system and users (who stand right there the whole time) lie like politicians in church.
"I didn't even know you could get to the internet from this computer box."
"I rebooted twice already."
"I backed up everything important."
"I didn't change anything."
"I did not have sex with that CD Rom drive. . . Mr. Toshiba."
Fixing computer issues for total liars is not a skill set I'm interested in polishing, either. The word "desktop" on a job description is a deal killer. Even is it is "Mr. Pass will be given a desktop and it will be shiny and nice." That screws me a bit, but rules is rules.
Last week new executives were hired. We had a consultant in to configure the laptops (four of them) for the new people. These laptops were checked out to new people, two on Thursday and two on Friday, never having been touched by me.
The first two work fine, I guess.
One of the new users starts calling the Control Center on Friday morning, having picked up the new laptop about an hour before. I had the call routed to me, thinking the new guy too dumb to type in the password on his account. 1337 $p3@k P@55w0rd$ @r3 teh 13357.
"My laptop won't charge."
This is not a software problem, so he gets blown off - I mean I put him on hold and ask about the hardware warranty on the new equipment. No one knows. Crap. I "un-hold."
"Is it plugged in?"
"Of course it is plugged in it just won't charge. I'm in a meeting and it keeps telling me to save my work. I need a working laptop now."
Whoa. The new guy is an asshat already. Seriously, I'm not responsible for laptops. "I'll get back to you," I say, fully intending that to be a lie.
I went back to closing tickets with a " " and the phone rang again.
Before I picked up I asked if we had another laptop for this guy. Of course we don't.
"Can you bring the broken laptop down here?" I asked.
"Of course not. I told you I'm in a meeting."
Nice.
"I'll have someone go up and take a look." I hung up the phone and swivelled in my chair to the sound of crickets in the Control Center.
"C'mon guys!" I whined, "I hate users. Can't someone just go up and get the laptop? I'll even try to fix the stupid thing."
No luck. There was a lot going on for a Friday. Another client wanted 28 matching 30 yard fiber optic cables runs placed under the raised floor. While I would have gladly done it (even dragging myself the whole distance using my tongue) someone was already doing it. Crap. Crap. Crap.

I slogged upstairs and towards the conference room, mentally hearing the priest chanting in latin, resigned to my fate.
Upon opening the door I was greeted by the sight of not only the new (and indignantly fuming) asshat, but several (in fact all) of the members of upper management. So this is what they do. They sit around a U-Shaped conference table and bother people who are actually trying to work. Worse yet, they bother ME on a Friday.
The Director of somthing-or-other said something like "I sent the new guy a virus, don't you secure these laptops!" And there was much laughter around the table. I tried to ignore it, and the other comments ("Mine is working just fine!" "What's the matter, don't these new machines charge?") as I grabbed the offending laptop and pulled the power supply off the power strip and made for the exit.
My eyes happened upon an outlet near the door. On a whim, probably mostly in the hopes that I could avoid a return trip I plugged the laptop in and heard "DING!" as the battery started charging.
With that "DING!" all attention was firmly on me. At the same time, this had gone from a technical problem to a logic question.
I walked back into the U and examined the power strip. I put the laptop back down in front of its owner and plugged it back in. No "DING!"
Without a thought to the political ramifications, I picked up the power strip, pointed at the switch and said "Off" (CLICK) "On."
"DING!"
"DING!"
"DING!"
"DING!"
"DING!"
"DING!"
The other laptops, all "working fine", were sharing the same de-activated power strip.
I hate users. They all lie.