Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Chumps come up to me all the time and ask "Excuse me, Pretty Geek, sir, but can you tell me what it takes to be a true player?" I usually have my bodyguards gently escort them face-down onto the sidewalk, because a player is nothing if not busy. I've always got places to go, and platinum dub-sixes to polish, and empty Cristal bottles to fill with generic sparkling wine. But since I like you, I'll let you in on a few secrets. Observe closely as I illustrate the aspects of being a true player.

First, ignore the player haters in the Boy Scouts. Currently, California troops are eligible for a Copyright patch. This "activity" (not merit badge) patch is sponsored by, among other entities, the RIAA. It rewards scouts for not stealing music and movies off the internet.
While it doesn't help you attain Eagle Scout, the badge supplied does sport the © logo to ensure that the ladies will leave you alone to do whatever else you might want to do with a perfectly good broadband connection. It is earned through visiting movie studios to see all the people impacted when a person skips the $8 bucket of popcorn and through producing anti-piracy PSAs.

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Since third parties are apparently allowed to provide "activity" patches, the staff at Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng has developed its own. Our patch is completely "ladies-friendly" and is earned through having all the latest media and zero-day applications. Demonstrating a preference for a specific BitTorrent client is optional (but recommended) as well as producing an original Brokeback Mountain parody promo out of stolen media clips. I also think the badge looks cooler.
The Internet Piracy activity patch would be at home on any scout's sash. All the fun of true piracy, but none of the scurvy.

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1 comment:

Shana said...

"Piracy" is slang for copyright infringement, the unlawful copying of the work of another, usually for the purpose of distribution and profit. In contrast to swashbuckling pirates of yore, modern day "pirates" make copies, sometimes perfect digital copies, of the work of another. Copyright holders are concerned with infringement because they believe that if someone can buy a copy of their work for less or obtain it for free or through a trade, he or she will, and profits will be lost.

Because you wouldn't want to take money from these people: