Friday, October 13, 2006

I have to attend sensitivity training.
It isn't as bad as it sounds . . . Everyone has to go.
Currently, there is a minor witch hunt to determine exactly who said something inappropriate and ruined the fun for everyone.
Whoever it was, you can bet I'll assume everyone of their gender/racial profile/religious belief/sexual preference/eye color would have made the same comment and I'll endeavor to treat them all like they wasted two hours of my life. Fairly and evenly.
Before that was scheduled, we were all due to attend safety training.
I've been to a lot of safety training classes in my time doing I.T. work.
This is a chemical company. While I'll probably very rarely see the inside of a chemical plant, I hope we get more than the standard presentation showing a plugged in motherboard with the sign "Do Not Lick."
I laugh at it, but that warning label has probably saved my life more times than I can count.
The safety training had been pushed back even before the emergency sensitivity training due to a toy problem.
One of the things this company does, apparently, is hand out toys at training meetings.
Then there was the year they gave out stress balls with the corporate logo and some people (guys, probably) spent the rest of the safety meeting throwing them at each other until someone knocked over a coffee mug and sent shards of glass and hot coffee everywhere. While it probably isn't the first safety meeting that was interrupted with a trip to the Emergency Room, HR (the organizer of these fun fests) has promised no more stress balls.
Speaking as a guy, I can tell you that whatever we are supplied can and will be multi-purposed into a weapon of some sort.
Where was I? Oh, yes. Safety Meeting pushed back.
Ahem.
The Safety Meeting was pushed back to allow HR time to order squeezy firetrucks. While I can think of three ways off the top of my head to kill a man with a squeezy firetruck (I have a lot of thinking time during meetings), these were deemed necessary after the intended toy (a squeezy fire hydrant) was nixed upon arrival.
Someone in HR decided that the squeezy fire hydrant was "suggestive".
I may not know much, but I know that I want one of those fire hydrants more than I've ever wanted any toy in history.
If it is truly as suggestive as reports indicate, I could use my suggestive fire hydrant to start a never-ending cycle of sensitivity training/safety training meetings.
More than anything, I think I'd like to know what could make a squeezy fire hydrant suggestive. What would it even be shaped like? Does it vibrate or something?
I'm pretty sure my imagination makes it more suggestive than reality would dictate. Like most things, really.

9 comments:

Joe said...

You need sensitivity training? As does your entire company?

Doesn't your company stoke the fires that drives the infernal machinery with the bodies of innocent children? And they're still worried about EEO guidelines and whether or not anyone needs a hug?

It's like the perfect storm. Maybe it will be evil sensitivity training. And you'll get a squeezy fire hydrant with a laser on its head ...

Because that would be cool.

Garrick said...

We may burn the babies but that doesn't mean we should be intolerant of their feelings.

Joe said...

From Totally Gross Jokes, Vol. III:

Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?

So you can see the expression on its face.

You and your coworkers are all evil. Accept it, embrace it, and learn how to resolve workplace conflict through mediated constructs all in one meeting.

Are y'all meeting in Conference Room 666?

Garrick said...

I've got no issue with being evil. I was evil long before I signed on here. I just want to be involved.

I'm a team player.

Katy said...

http://www.qualitylogoproducts.com/stress-balls/fire-hydrant-stress-reliever.htm

OH BABY!

Garrick said...

Anyone want to go in on 150?

Katy said...

dunno...

That's a little more than I usually spend on halloween give-outs.

Garrick said...

You can't give those things to children!!!!

katy said...

Ok, you missed Saturday night, when I dropped an F-bomb in front of children at church. My appropriateness filter is in the shop or something.