Monday, October 30, 2006

So, Friday I realized the extent of my ever growing paranoia.
My boss stopped by my cubicle just after lunch. He told me that if there wasn't much going on, I should leave at 3:00 p.m.
Of course, I immediately freaked out. My panicked mind wondered if my badge would work Monday. Did they just want an extra hour to disable my network access? Did my boss think I'm not busy enough? There isn't enough work?
As soon as he walked away, I dashed to a neighboring cube and barged in without knocking - to hell with the "Respectful Workplace".
"Did he tell you to leave early?" I tried (unsuccessfully) to keep the stress out of my voice.
"Yes. It is sort of a standard Friday afternoon kind of thing."
"Really?" I (in no way) casually responded.
"He likes to leave early, too. He is just sharing the love."
"Ok. That is what I figured," I lied.
I'm apparently completely broken. I can no longer accept going home early on a Friday as something normal and not a reason to sweat and twitch.
How did I get to this point? Why would I instantly assume I'm fired?
I need to find that baby furnace, people. Until I uncover the dark underbelly of this company I'll never find peace here.
My other paranoid moment came from the time change.
I suspect the first working day following the change has a lot of people glancing, pre-coffee, at their dashboard clocks in a split-second of panic. Mine came from opening the garage door to be greeted by the first thin rays of a beautiful sunrise.
My moment of panic came from my instant realization that the sun (long an enemy of my fair-complexioned people) had discovered my secret of leaving before he arrives in the morning.
Obviously, logic told me that the sun was trying to kill me.
I have a tradition of burning generally once a year, blistering and peeling, and then exposing a layer of geek-flesh pastier and paler than the layer just burned off. I've learned to avoid the sun and, until this morning, I'd assumed the sun was avoiding me as well.
My brief flash of fear at the sun's obvious escalation of hostilities was also sad, but not as sad as being told to kick off early on a Friday and instantly hitting the corporate Intranet looking for information on COBRA.


Joe said...

This is the Garrick we all know and love ... paranoid, moderately delusional, prone to mad rantings and slightly surreal observations. Down with the "happy, happy, joy, joy" stuff, up with the "OMG! WTF!". GO TEAM PARANOIA!

Welcome back, you baby-burning blogger, you!

Shana said...

After being up for hours this morning finishing up the pumpkin muffin and gingerbread basket and a homemade card, I prepared for my test today and put Gwynyth on the bus. I measured out my time, did some work, prepared my errand items for the day and then freaked when my car clock told me I was late for my test. In reality, it was 45 minutes until my appointment but my fear was geniune for that split second. I almost lapsed into a fit of stress induced narcolepsy.

katy said...

Shana, here's my FREAK at the time change...

I crashed at Joanna's after the party Saturday night (WE MISSED YOU! MY FRIEND ANGELO CAME AS NINJA ROBOT ZOMBIE PIRATE AND GARRICK MISSED IT!) but I had to be at work Sunday...I pull into the parking lot what I think is AN HOUR EARLY and the place is packed. And there are kids in my classrooms. HOLY CRAP! I'm LATE!!!

(No, they rented the space for an early morning meeting w/ childcare and they didn't bother to tell me. Oy. Gevalt.)