Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng

Hello, everyone!
I've reached a new career milestone, and I feel compelled to share it. Friday I sent my best ever response to a user issue. In fact, it may be the best response to a user issue ever typed by the hand of geek.
The complete issue is below, followed by my response.
Please note, this response was actually delivered and read by the user. I hope it ends up immortalized in our company Knowledge Base.

-----Original Message-----
From: Help,Desk
Sent: Friday, March 09, 2007 11:31 AM
To: Garrick
Subject: New WO# 20679 - SAP closing
Work Order No.: 20679
Technician Assigned: Garrick
Priority: 3 - Medium
Date Due: 3/12/2007 10:55:47 AM (GMT-6:00) Central Standard Time
Requestor: [user name deleted]
Call-back number: (713) 555-7941
Location: Houston TX
Summary: SAP closing
Type: Accounts / Security
Subtype:
Category:
Description:3/9/2007 11:25:55 AM (GMT-6:00) Central Standard Time
Logged by:[Technician Name Deleted] - This sounds like it could be Citrix related.

When I am in SAP MRP in the unit box, I often change it from LB to DR. Ihave found repeatedly when I change it from LB to DR too quickly, myentire sap closes out and I have to restart. Can this be fixed to account for my fast typing?

-----End Original Message-----

I recommend the user switch to decaf.
After that, she should learn to take it easy. Working at [company name deleted] isn't a sprint, after all, but a glorious hike up the mountain of profitability with occasional pauses to throw corn to squirrels and watch them eat it. They look like they have little hands! Precious!
Finally, deep breathing exercises should eliminate the rest of the anxiety causing her fast typing.
She should use her PCard to expense some aromatic candles (ylang-ylang,eucalyptus, or sandalwood - most definitely not patchouli, which would make her office smell like a head shop) and employ at least a dozen at once, a combination of tapers and pillars, arranged according to the points of the compass.

I hope this helps.

Blessed be,

G