Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Because That's How I Roll
So I decided that just being upset about the Jew jokes in my office was hurting no one but me, right? I mean, it isn't like anyone knows to care. Seething can be fun to a point -- And to be honest, it is something I have always been good at. But something needed to be done, or I'd have been breaking my own rule about communication in a pretty big way.

I'm not about direct confrontation. In fact, my father has always claimed "passive aggressive" is named for our family.
Anyway, what I decided to do was resolve the issue without involving legal council.
Instead, I skipped out over lunch on Tuesday and went to the grocery store.
After what seemed like an insane amount of digging through candy canes and little chocolate Santas I found a little dejected box of gold-wrapped chocolate coins (Gelt, in circles I run in) and I grabbed a few bags. I also grabbed some jelly doughnuts (Tradition!) and sugar-free pumpkin pie (our new tradition). And a Diet Coke Plus, because I'm always so very, very thirsty.
Armed with these little bags of candy coins, I walked around my office delivering them to everyone I knew had kids with a cheerful explanation and a "Happy Hanukkah!" of farewell.
And the jokes stopped.
Now, I know this hasn't made anyone find Jew jokes less amusing, but at least they would get told behind my back from here on out and denial is another thing I at which I excel.
On the interesting side, I've since become kind of a one-stop, have-your-Judaism-questions-answered kind of place.

Now, another thing I learned about this time of year is this:
While McNuggets and fries are cooked in oil as traditional Hanukkah food tends to be, eating a bunch of them and then chasing it with a lemon-filled jelly doughnut (especially when a person doesn't ever eat refined sugar) is a sure recipe for stomach cramps which will be severe enough to make a person long for the sweet release of death.

Additionally, I've become adept in the past week at artfully directing user hate away from our (admittedly
buggy) application and back onto the Windows servers which host that
application . . . As God intended.
Further, with the delivery of my canceled check on Wednesday, I might actually get paid for this gig, which (in the only truly meaningful way) would make this whole thing worthwhile. Maybe.


Maybe if you forget to hide the keys

I'll take a ride to Applebee's

I'll come home drunk on daiquiris and throw up on the neighbor's lawn

p.s. This is my first post from ScribeFire on the Mac. If it looks like crap, please accept my apologies.

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