Making Friends

I mean, what was I supposed to say?

I was headed to the elevators with a co-worker and we passed one of the salespeople. She was wearing what can only be described as "Superhero Boots". They were long, red, glossy and sporting a giant buckle. There may have been a white star on them somewhere, or my mind filled in that detail from the store of comic book source material it indexes.

Of course, even though I'd never met this woman, the only thing I could say was, "Awesome! Superhero boots!"

She glowered. Not an about-to-vanquish-evil glower, though. More of an I-hate-IT-people glower. Believe me, I can identify that glower from a mile away.

My co-worker made a choked sound, as though he'd found a bone in his peanut butter instead of the expected creamy milk chocolate, and hurled himself into the elevator. I followed him, because while I'd obviously somehow personally offended this woman I needed to know how. Mostly so I could use that information for evil justice later. 

As the elevator doors slid closed, my co-worker almost fell over laughing.

"Awesome! Superhero boots!" is cute, maybe. Not particularly clever given the glaringly obvious shiny red material I with which I was presented, but one works with what one is given. It certainly didn't merit incapacitating laughter, as far as I could tell.

"What?" I asked,"Those were clearly superhero boots. I know superhero boots. My wife has a pair in black. More anti-superhero, I suppose, but whatever gets the job done, right?"

He explained.

"About six months ago we were having some issues with one of her clients. Everyone was working double shifts to deliver on what she had promised and she sent an email from where ever it was she was on vacation. It came in tagged by her BlackBerry." His laughter was just starting to subside as we walked into the little store downstairs,"It was all about pulling together and making things right and playing as a team and all anyone who read it could think of was," and again he started laughing,"The Justice League cartoon series."

Dear readers, what are the freaking chances?

"Anyway, in order to relieve some stress, we ran to several stores and put together a "Welcome Back From Vacation" gift basket containing Justice League comics, Wonder Woman underwear, a Superman lunch box, and a notebook with Batman on it and a bunch of pens and pencils and left it on her desk. She was so angry she tried to have us all fired."

So anyway. My conviction is this: If you wear superhero boots, you have to want people to notice your superhero boots. At the very least you should expect it. I can't help not seeing the mines laid around the office six months ago if they aren't marked off in the employee handbook. If I see superhero boots, I'm calling them superhero boots. If someone turns up in a big fuzzy pink elephant costume, I'm calling it a big fuzzy pink elephant costume.

Unless they are holding a rifle.

Or I'm the only one seeing the big fuzzy pink elephant costume.

In either of those cases I'm not saying anything. I'll just go home early and take some zinc.

In other news, I got an email yesterday and something seems to need some clarification.

I was asked how I could go and celebrate Christmas and be Jewish. The idea was put forth that it is like attending a birthday party for someone I don't know. Snap!

Well, hey. My family gets together once a year. If it were "Rains Fire From The Sky Day", I'd still make every effort to get there to see them.

And to further clarify, if there are gifts it is a bit more like crashing the birthday party of someone I don't know, getting a little drunk, and robbing his house.