Monday, December 10, 2007

Declaring Bankruptcy


Guys, my cellphone has been broken for two weeks. I have not made or received a call in that whole time, but my account has been active. I know when I went outside to get a signal and first discovered that my cellphone was busted, I had amassed more than ten unheard voicemails. The fact that I had intended at that moment to check them was irrelevant in the face of my non-charging, Check SIM device.

Since that time, calls to my phone have automatically rolled to voicemail. The volume of these little audio clips means that the task of checking them is daunting enough to make me actually dread getting "connected" again, even though my new phone may be in as early as this afternoon.

Therefore, this is my announcement that I am hereby declaring "Voicemail Bankruptcy". Voicemails left in the past two weeks as well as the 10+ in the period immediately preceding my communications blackout will henceforth be stricken from the record. These messages will not be played or answered in any way. If there was something important in them that requires action on my part (heheh) this action must be assumed to be unperformed until such time as a new communication is issued by the requestor.

In the event that your voicemail had contained Emergency Information upon which the balance of human life rested on my timely response -- sorry about that.

Here is the fact: The best and fastest ways to contact me are always email, followed by a phone call that I answer, followed by Instant Message, followed by text message, followed by paper letter addressed to me with a kitten drawn on the envelope, followed by a note stuck under my windshield wiper on decorative stationary, followed by a brick through the window with a missive wrapped around it, followed by voicemail -- Which most of you know is rarely checked even when I have a working phone because I hate the AT&T voicemail menu so very, very much.

In short, this post is a notice that I haven't been actively screening any of you, but I will be retroactively screening everything from the past 2 weeks or so.

And we should also expect a brief phone breaking-in period in which I'm trying to figure out how to answer a new phone and the little differences between the new phone and my old phone which will probably technically vex me to the point where I'm trying to find Torrent files for Matlock episodes, meticulously counting daily fibre intake, and scanning Craig's List for someone to come over part time to chew my food.

While we at the Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng Institute of New and Awesome Technology and Low-Carb Muffin Outlet embrace change and technological advancement, it also makes us a little bitchy.

In other news, last night we started what I'm certain will be a delightful annual Hanukkah tradition for our family. One of the cats jumped up on the table to investigate the menorah and set her face on fire a little. She's fine, but some of her whiskers are a little curled and blackened. Our cats (and I suspect most cats) like things a certain way and change makes them light their faces on fire.

Please understand if I have a similar reaction to a new cellphone.

No comments: