Playing Our Strengths

I've mentioned before that my wife Shana and I each have our strengths and abilities and skills which we have, through unspoken understanding, translated into defined roles in our relationship. This has worked well -- With the glaring deficiency in the "Kills Spiders" checkbox next to each of our names. An empty checkbox which my next door neighbor "Doesn't want to hear about" at "2:30 in the morning" or he'll "call the cops". We kid like that, but the man has large and deadly shoes.

So. Shana got a new and more awesome job, which is good. And she is scheduled to start attending that job pretty soon.

When she told her current employer, they were distressed and agreed to reduce her hours.

When I asked Shana if the new job was to be defined as "replacement" or "additional", she confirmed my suspicions that a reduction in hours at her current job would not do the trick.

So she went back to her current (let's call it "less awesome" for clarity) job and again let them know that she had accepted a position with another, separate, distinct employer and that she would be starting work at another place soon.

So her "less awesome" but still nice employer set her schedule around her two days off at the "more awesome" new job.

But Shana doesn't want to work seven days a week. Who could blame her?

It was after this third resignation attempt that I realized that I'd been remiss in my responsibilities. One of my skills, a skill which we have used a lot as part of our relationship, was not being called upon. And the results of this oversight were a disastrous 90 hour work week. 

Shana is the one who balances the checkbook, organizes our lives, prevents me from blowing the complete balance of our checking account on magic beans.

I'm not capable of doing any of those things.

What I do, and do remarkably well, is recall mountains of pop culture trivia and quit my job.

I had no idea the latter was even a skill that one needed to have, so natural has it always come to me.

Since I came to this realization, I've realized that there may be a market for this skill outside amusing anecdotes. Maybe I could give "Demotivational Speeches" and help people move on with their careers with class, grace, and style. Or in a way which creates an amusing story to tell friends.

If anyone is looking for a new and exciting way to quit a job, let me know. Chances are I've done it. The key to a good quit, dear readers, is knowing your audience, anticipating and compensating for potential responses, and being always aware of the local regulations on the safe disposal of various fluids and waste materials and just skirting those regulations.

I've posted resignation letters on corporate intranet sites. I've highlighted portions of an offer letter and slipped it into my weekly reports just to see if a manager ever reads those things (he didn't). I've listened to an unreasonable "Conditions of Employment" speech and left my badge in the chair and not gone back. Once, I told an employer that they didn't seem happy and that I wasn't happy and that I'd decided we should see other people.

Does anyone else need help with this?

What are the chances that my "How to Quit Your Job: If You Are Going To Burn That Bridge, Make Sure They Can See the Flames From Space" speaking tour would be a success?