Thursday, January 15, 2009

Manuary Open Letter

Dear Family,

Since I had so little time to respond after the original incident in question, I will do so here, on the internetz, for Manuary.
I'm sorry I was so late in picking you up the other night. I had no idea they locked the doors of that grocery store at 10pm.
However, I've done some research and in spite of your assertions the rate of violent crime in that zipcode is not too far above the national average.
Had I noticed the freezing rain I may have made a different decision. But probably not.
You see, what you guys failed to take into account during all the accusations about my being "addicted" to World of Warcraft and the "accidental" immersion of my gaming mouse in the toilet in the guest bathroom is that I was in the middle of the Culling of Stratholme event. Had I not been there the whole time killing all the zombies our group would have failed.
See? Group.
Four other people were depending on me right then, and four is more than two. I'm not even mentioning the citizens of Azeroth.
As Spock (one of the smartest guys in science fiction television ever) once said, "the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few". You guys were just too few that night.
What was the group supposed to do? Get a Warlock? Some Retribution Paladin? That's just silly and I'm trying to keep this letter as reasonable as possible.
It isn't like I'm completely without blame here, though.
Shana, I should never have posted those photoshopped pictures of you on the guild forums. I had no idea it would get so out of hand.
I also didn't fully appreciate the intricate network of Facebook friends we share, so I was as surprised as you when those same pictures turned up other places.
On the bright side, you hated that job anyway. Right?
And let's remember the times when I dropped everything and helped out when you needed it.
I find it odd that when I was running Utgarde Keep, the very dungeon that contains the epic crossbow I'd been "talking about for weeks non-stop", happened to be the exact same time Gwynyth was having whatever it was we went to the emergency room for.
You guys refused to even wait for us to finish the last boss fight.
There is no Wi-Fi in the waiting room. And I'm no healer.
There was no reason for me to sit there the whole time for "emotional support."
For the record, Gwynyth is fine. Lots of people lead rich and rewarding lives with a single kidney.
The important thing right now is that I have an as-yet-unreleased raid instance to prepare for.
The guild is gathering crafting materials for our big push into Ulduar and I have to do my part.
The honor of the Horde is at stake. We can't have gnomes beat us to the endgame. Again.
So, while I understand and respect that you guys need me, the guild and the Horde just need me more right now.
I'm glad I've had the chance to get this all off my chest.
If you remember, the last time we discussed this I spent most of the conversation cowering in fear in the corner, curling up in the tightest little ball ever in order to protect all my soft-tissue spots.


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