Friday, January 02, 2009


As part of my on-going effort to eliminate all things french, I'm participating in "Manuary".
I intend to not shave for as long as I can stand it. It may be a while, since I technically haven't shaved since the 27th of December already and it hasn't gotten to the point where anyone would notice.
But that's fine.
I can do plenty of supplemental manly-type things to make up for my lack of facial hair.
Like . . . Um . . .

You know, the whole "manly" label is kind of sexist, in my opinion.
I'm not just a hunk of beef over here.
I have feelings.
Sometimes I watch The Food Network when it isn't about grilling stuff.

Hey! I've got one!
The current NFL record for most losses in a season is held by the Detroit Lions, as of this year.
This record will never be beaten, since the only way to lose more than every regular season game is to somehow end up in the play-offs after and lose those too.
Oddly, Detroit Lions merchandise does not reflect a substantial discount because of this. That makes me sad, since I own no football-related fashion with which to celebrate Manuary. I'll make do with some of my other manly garments.
Sweaters are manly, right? With patches on the sleeves? Leather patches?
Leather is definitely manly. Except for certain applications, I guess.

In the end, it all comes down to the effort put in versus the effort required, I think.
You've probably noticed, I'm an extremely manly man. Therefore, I have very little to change for Manuary.
I will, however, step up my liquor consumption.
Last night I had a shot of whiskey.
After I ate some extremely manly cheesecake stuff.
And I wrestled a wild animal. If by "wild animal" you mean "cat" and by "wrestled" you mean "brushed for fifteen minutes to help with her static cling issue".
Later today I plan to flex, possibly.
And buy some jerky.
Yeah. Jerky.


Joe said...

You do realize, of course, that Roger Goodell has broached the idea of eliminating one preseason game and adding a 17th regular season game ... thus, invalidating your manly thesis ...

By the way, I'm sending you a box of genetically modified oranges that have tons of testosterone and Vitamin C for your Blue Moon ... Cheers!

Garrick said...

They can't change the number of games in a season just when I figure out how many there are! Last year I just figured out that football is the pointy brown ball.

Wait. This is football we are talking about, right?

No sissy light-colored beer for me this month, either.

Today I had wings at lunch (sauce on the side to avoid getting stuff on my manly hands) and will follow up with heated gin this afternoon.

Every time I try to tell myself to "think manly thoughts" I start giggling, though.