Friday, January 16, 2009

Still Trying To Appear Manly

However, the very forces of nature are working against me.
As I type this, it is twenty degrees in Columbia, South Carolina.
Unfortunately, I'm in Columbia, South Carolina.
I like words. You may have noticed that I like them a lot.
Putting them in different arrangements and playing them off each other is something which gives me joy.
I like knowing what words mean when I read them or hear them. I like trying to come up with creative uses for them.
I enjoy being able to put words into an order which describes something I'm trying to communicate.
The clever use of language is what separates us from animals. Well, that and thumbs. Except for monkeys.
In the case of monkeys the separation comes down to whether or not poo is flung.
Actually, I'm pretty sure you can find stuff on the internet which would put that distinction into question as well.
With monkeys, words are the key area of distinction.
Unless the monkeys know sign language.
Maybe if they do it comes down to body hair.
You know, I'm not a biologist.
The point is, possibly large portions of my brain have frozen solid, but as I thaw over coffee I become more and more certain of one thing.
It is impossible to describe twenty degrees in any way which does not consist entirely of repetitive and hysterical profanity.

I still haven't shaved, but last night I was at work late with three guys on my team. Two of them have full beards.
When they asked about my not shaving I told them it is Manuary.
They pressed for details, "But you shave this part, right?" with a gesture to the cheek and jawline.
"But there isn't any hair there. It looks like you wax your face."
"Yeah, I can't explain that. There is some hair there if you look real close."
Then another co-worker came to my defense and said that he had family members that also couldn't really grow facial hair.
"Of course," he added,"They are all women."

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