Monday, September 18, 2006


Tomorrow be "Talk Like a Pirate Day", ye lubbers! Ye shall be spendin' the day o' the 19th naming the scurvy dogs in the accountin' department fer the bilge rats they be! Order a grog from the wench at McDonald's!

Here be a handy guide on chattin' online like a pirate:

Acronym & Expansion Meaning Use


Another Squid, Another Pirate
Some things, items, or activities are naturally associated with each other. Pirates and the humble squid are a good example, for every pirate there is a squid that wants him dead.

The eternal struggle between pirates and squid offers a different definition, where ASAP refers to the futility of struggle. Neither party can win yet they still fight on. Truly a sad tale.

X: Rum tastes horrible, and I hate wearing this eye-patch.

Y: Well what can I say, ASAP….


Blow Yer Man Down

X: Those barnacle eaters just stole our gold!



Cry more, cabin boy
Keep whining, you loser.
X: I can't believe I lost again!



Eat My Peg Leg
I do not care for you, or your opinion. To illustrate this point, and to emphasis how deeply I care about this point of view I suggest you do something impossible or irrational like eating my wooden leg. X: You need to be more caring about my opinion.

Y: EMPL, Sucker.


For the Treasure
My actions are governed by the desire for treasure. X: Pirates Kick Ass! Let's go and get these scurvy dogs! FTT!


Guns, Women, Muskets & Dubloons
Why be a pirate? GWMD, that's why. X: That Snoop Dogg, he loves his Gin 'n' Juice. Me, I'm here for the GWMD.


I'd Rather be Marooned
Sometimes pirates get awkward propositions, or are asked to do dignity-lowering activities. In such a situation one can express the desire that they would rather be marooned than do what is asked of them. This can also be used as an insult. X: Sooo…Me and some buddies are going to scrape barnacles with our tongues. Interested?



I'd Rather Kiss a Weevil
I would rather do something incredibly disgusting than do what you request. X: Hey buddy, can you help me out for 5 minutes? I need to scrape some barnacles



I'd rather read a book
Most pirates hate reading, despite such famous examples as Edward Teach. To pretend to prefer reading than something else is a big insult. X: Want to hangout on the poopdeck? We could trade stories over rum?

Y: Haha, IRRAB


Keel Hauled
You were just taught a lesson by someone bigger, stronger or better.


You got schooled, sucker


You just did something incredibly stupid.
X: Woo hoo! Just got a date with that girl in the red dress.

Y: Dude, that's your sister.

Z: KH'd!


Kittens or the Treasure?
Even pirates have unsolvable dilemmas, and sometimes it's just better to acknowledge this and move on. Pirates, like most people, enjoy the company of kittens. They also like treasure. Deciding between the two is very hard, and best put off.

KOTT will be used to indicate that such a dilemma has formed.
X: Tonight is the Big Rum–Off, but I promised the Captain last week that I'd help polish his peg-leg.

Y: KOTT eh?


Learn to Horndance
You have no skill in a particular activity. You need to learn some skills at this activity before you attempt said activity in a public place. X: Oops, I've left my cabin with no pants again.

Y: L2HD, fool.


Lots of Blargh
Expressing amusement online is difficult at the best of times, typing out "hehe" or "giggle" can make one feel like a schoolgirl. Pirates cannot afford such an assault on their dignity (unless they happen to be schoolgirls that are pirates). To Blargh is to laugh, so to laugh hard or long just add "lots of". X: I've just sold your parrot to a Chinese drive thru

Y. You POE grubbing bastard!



Load the Cannon!
Loading the cannon was traditionally done before battle started. In this sense it means getting ready for action. X: Seadogs, let's LTC!


X: I'm so LTC'd that it would make you cry big fat salty tears, you scurvy dog.


Pieces of Eight
A Piece of Eight is a term describing a currency used in Spain for several hundred years. POE is a slang term for money. X: Its all about the POE

Y: True brother, true!


A privateer is a person who claims to be a pirate, but in fact is an agent of the Man. Historically states would contract to private citizens the right to raid the shipping of national enemies. This is piratical behaviour, under control of the state. Narks! X: Hey, what's happening? Want to help me pirate some loot?

Y: Bugger off, you PT!


Argh me hearties!
An inspirational rallying phrase, usually used in social situations. X: Oh no, my musket is poked, I've no rum, and I think I might just have a good cry


X: I feel 110% better now, thank you.


Swab the Deck
Swabbing the deck is an essential part of running a hygienic ship. However it is a mindless task that has low status. Important people do not swab decks. If you are swabbing the deck, you must be a chump, or the new boy. Alternately you may have a Sexually Transmitted Disease. Neither of these definitions is particularly favourable. X: Let's go kick some ass!

Y: Dude, go STD with yourself


Walk the Plank
To walk the plank means to totally mess up. Historically walking the plank was a death sentence. X: LOB, I just holed the keel, my bad.

Y: Man, you totally WTP'd on this one.


What would Long John Silver's Parrot do?
When somebody poses a tough question or dilemma, possibly ethical, this expression serves to make the involved parties make the best choice. Long John Silver being one of the Five Pirates of Yore, and his Parrot being the true brains of the operation. Y: Do we take the loot, the women, or the food?





Your Hands = Salted Pork
Your Hands Are Made of Salted Pork
A person with hands made of salted pork would be incredibly clumsy, and therefore kind of useless in a hand-based human society. Y: Oops, dropped my musket again, I'm such a dunce!

X: Gods! YH = SP!


Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum
Historically this was a line in a famous pirate song. Now it is a line of nonsense that is used as filler when someone said something that you do not know how to respond to, or are not smart enough to think of something funny to respond with. X: Ever played cricket on a rowboat? I have, and I hit a six!



Ye Mutinious Dog
Mutiny means a rebellion against the legitmate authority. YMD is said when one's authority has been challenged, whether such authority is legitimate or not. X: YMD!!

Y: What?

X: If you don't give me my banana back I'll kill you.

Y: Fine, kill me. It was worth it, if just to see you use two exclamation marks.


You wish you were a cabin boy
This is a negative term that implies that you are so bad at what you do that all you can aspire to be is what others would deem the lowest of the low. Because of your incredible crapness you, of course, would see this as a promotion. X: Man I'm great at being a pirate, in every way possible.

Y: Pfft, YWYWACB, Fool.


Joe said...

How can you be a pirate? Pirates have to get their hands dirty occasionally ...

Oooooohhhhh! Octaburn!

That's right ... I went there.

Garrick said...

I'd be a tidy pirate.

Joe said...

By the way ... I've officially trademarked "Octaburn" ... you'll be receiving some paperwork from my attorney to that effect ...

Garrick said...

You ganked Octaburn from me?

Joe said...

Sorry ... "OMGWTF" has also been trademarked. Please don't make me have my people issue a cease and desist order.

However, I will leave you with w00+ ... you owne it as you already have tee shirts to that effect.