Monday, January 15, 2007

I hear y'all askin' me what life is like on the mean streets of Old Katy. It ain't easy scrapin' by day to day in the O.K., yo.

Out here on these streets, you either know the score or get eaten alive. You hear what happened to DJ Brian the other week? Guess he had one too many Crown & Pibbs and started wandering down Country Spring up toward Apple Tree Ridge. Course, the Apple Tree Ridge posse didn't take kindly to a Country Spring boy on their turf. When they staticked him on it, what did he do? My man DJ Brian walked right up to Psycho Tim, slapped him in the face with a glove, and called Psycho "a craven, timorous poltroon." Long story short, they found what was left of DJ Brian in the carpool lane on 290, stuffed into a large casserole dish with a garnish of hard-boiled egg slices. It was messed up, for serious.

Can't help wondering how things woulda turned out if Brian hadn't pawned his Blackberry loaded with Google Maps software. He usedta tote that thing around everywhere, using that tiny keyboard to navigate those pre-loaded maps of the U.S., following the turn-by-turn voice directions to make sure he didn't stumble onto enemy turf. Even after a dozen Crown & Pibbs, DJ Brian could find his way home.

And then…and then, man…when he'd get home, he'd pop out that SD card with his contacts on it and put in one loaded with his Kenny Loggins MP3s. DJ Brian loved him some Loggins – I can still see him prancing across the ceramic tile, all yellin' about "I'm alright" and "don't nobody worry 'bout me." Oh, Brian…look, uh, I got something in my eye or something, I gotta go. Point is, stay off of Apple Tree Ridge after dark.


Joe said...

You, sir, are the shizzle, no diggety.

Does your gang sign resemble that of a Vulcan?

Does your Scion ride on sick, superfly stock rims?

Do you assume "crunk" is something that can be avoided through the judicious application of anti-bacterial gel?

Does "homey" refer to the decor and not your posse?

When you walk into Sam Goody and ask for 50 Cent are you simply seeking change for a Kennedy half-dollar?

When you talk about your hoes are you making reference to your extensive array of gardening equipment?

If so, then you may be a "wangster" ... white + gangster = wangster.

Ahhhh ... good times.

Garrick said...

To make the Old Katy gang sign, one must form a loop with the thumb and index finger.
The other three fingers should be extended over the loop like a spreading oriental fan.

Represent. Represent, indeed.