Thursday, April 03, 2008

PowerPoint is Horrible Bloat-ware


However, there is possibly no better way to tender one's resignation than through a skillfully produced PowerPoint presentation with text that slides in from the sides and graphs illustrating historical versus current levels of "suck" with a baseline of an internship position where one is expected to load down boxes with flapjacks and bring them back, still warm, to the waiting full-time staff. And kitten pictures, but it isn't a presentation of any kind without kitten pictures. That would be like calling something "music" which did not contain harmonica.

A good resignation PowerPoint presentation should tell a story. It should communicate to the viewer that not only are the reasons for leaving solid and inarguable, but that the author of the presentation felt strongly enough about them to document them and make them all pretty with pictures and (time permitting and speakers provided) music. With harmonica.

The ideal response to this or any presentation is "Here! Have some money", but in this case specifically what you are looking for is shame or at the very least shocked silence.

Oh, what I wouldn't give for shocked silence. Or any kind of silence. After working here, I'll never look at a roll of duct tape the same way again. That part of me which once only considered what things I could stick together in happy silver bands is gone forever, replaced by someone more frightening who more values silence than functionality. A sadder kind of crazy, I suppose.

PowerPoint Resignation Presentations can be embedded on the front page of the corporate Wiki site, which is convenient.

They can also be emailed through the corporate mail server and (address rules enabled from inside the network) just sent to "All".

They can be lodged into calendar entries and sent as an invitation to a party for the date chosen by an employee as his or her last.

In the interest of good corporate communication, the only responsible decision one can make when faced with this many possible distribution channels is, of course, all.

Checking out one of the company projectors and blasting the thing in slideshow form across the back wall may be considered bad form, though visually awesome.

So freaking visually awesome.


Also, as in any corporate presentation, profanity should be used sparingly and only for effect.

"Sparingly" can be based on personal preference, though "effect" is tangible.  

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