Pr3++yG33kyTh1ng

The story from Wednesday is in horrible taste and very immature. You can skip it and come back tomorrow if you like. I'd understand.

If you are still reading, I'm more than a little disappointed. But not surprised.

So yesterday afternoon there was a knock on the door and, as custom would dictate, the guy closest answered it.
The customer standing there looked panicked. He was almost hopping with an urge to do something about whatever his trauma was. He had the look on his face you see on guys ten people back in the line for the Port-A-Potty. Those guys who are conserving a trip and throwing away a grocery bag of empty beer cans just before they walk in. That desperate, should-have-known-better, hopeless look.
"I . . . need . . . um . . . Do you have maybe . . . Someone threw up in a server and do you have anything we can use to clean it up?"
"No", I answered,"But how do you do that?"
I followed him out to his server rack and saw the server. They pull out like drawers from a dresser and the lid had been removed for some kind of hardware work. Instead of adding a processor or memory, though, a technician had added a chili cheese Koney Korndog "value meal" complete with an order of Fiesta Tots and a chocolate shake. While this was a few hours after lunch, I suspect there had been some "up sizing". It had been smeared around in there with some of the low-quality paper towels from the restroom.
He was totally correct. Someone had thrown up into a server.
About all I could do was verify that it was unplugged. No one wants to see a flaming vomit-filled server. Well, not in person. I'd like to see a video.
Since this customer pays for "vendor management", our technician got to call Dell to find out what they could do to help. According to the voice-logger, "No, that's not covered under warranty and how do you even do that?"
In the end, it was decided that the company could do without mail for a few hours while the drives were pulled, copied and placed into a different, less vomit-filled server. I can really respect that. If it had been me, I'd have pulled the plug, closed the lid on the server, pushed it back into place and walked out -- never to be seen again.
I'd not only quit that job, I'd quit the industry. Of course, these days I'm kind of looking for an excuse anyway.
Today there is a post-mortem on the vomit incident. I'm working on documentation for the next time this happens. I may spend some time modifying images illustrating leaning away from the electronics when feeling queasy.
I'm also compiling a list of new euphemisms for throwing up specific to I.T.:

1. Leaving negative feedback
2. Uploading an image
3. Sharing a splatter file
4. Digestive reboot
5. Liquid cooling a server
6. Voiding a warranty and a value meal
7. Slipping packets through the esophageal firewall
8. 3D graphics rendering
9. Emailing RIAA on the circuit-filled phone
10. Leaving a comment on MySpace

Tomorrow I'll talk about opera or something to make up for all this.